Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

She blames me for it all, and she's right. I screwed up bad. I do hope for the best. She walked away because of my lack of compassion...that pretty much sums up all of the mistakes and bad decisions that I made. I'm working a lot on compassion...I'm learning that it's the lifeblood of families, and encompasses so much!

Ok Antlers, now I get out the 2x4. It is very good that you take responsibility for your part in the problems in the M, and understand how W got to this point, but.. SHE WALKED AWAY! I dont say this to make you angry with W, I dont say this to remove your part, but any R has two parts, and BOTH parts must work equally on the R, or it will quickly rott. So for now you can only work on your part, and perhaps one day you can teach W the same.

And again, I am glad to see you taking responsibility for your part, but man, you MUST FORGIVE YOUR SELF! How will W ever forgive you if you cannot forgive yourself? I know it is hard man, I am going through it myself now, for the second time. And even though W and I are still together, the rough spots make it very hard to not want to just throw in the towel and accept that you suck - but that will do you no good! Forgive yourself, but dont forget, and work to be the best you want to be.

I know it takes two, although it might be 95% one person and 5% the other person. My issues with her doing this are...

She made a vow of 'for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health, good times and bad, 'til death do us part'. Our kids would be better off in one two parent home than in two single parent homes. I think the solution to a problem isn't running away from it or separating yourself from it, but by working through it. She hasn't given our marriage that opportunity. I have made lasting changes to issues she had with me.