Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

She blames me for it all, and she's right. I screwed up bad. I do hope for the best. She walked away because of my lack of compassion...that pretty much sums up all of the mistakes and bad decisions that I made. I'm working a lot on compassion...I'm learning that it's the lifeblood of families, and encompasses so much!

Ok Antlers, now I get out the 2x4. It is very good that you take responsibility for your part in the problems in the M, and understand how W got to this point, but.. SHE WALKED AWAY! I dont say this to make you angry with W, I dont say this to remove your part, but any R has two parts, and BOTH parts must work equally on the R, or it will quickly rott. So for now you can only work on your part, and perhaps one day you can teach W the same.

And again, I am glad to see you taking responsibility for your part, but man, you MUST FORGIVE YOUR SELF! How will W ever forgive you if you cannot forgive yourself? I know it is hard man, I am going through it myself now, for the second time. And even though W and I are still together, the rough spots make it very hard to not want to just throw in the towel and accept that you suck - but that will do you no good! Forgive yourself, but dont forget, and work to be the best you want to be.

Bring the 2x4! I need and appreciate them. I know that I need to forgive myself, and I'm slowly doing it. I know why she walked...I didn't say that I agreed with it. I know that I need to continue to work on myself no matter what...and I intend to keep on doing it. I'm already a better person, and I have learned a lot so far.

I want to detatch, lovingly.


I pray to God that he helps her to heal. She has told me how she feels...and it seems hopeless for me right now...but I still hang on to hope! Why? They say "don't believe anything they say"! It's hard to do when you hear the stuff I've heard! Anyway, I'm gonna put forth more effort now than ever before to LEAVE HER ALONE! We've had no contact at all since the bad phone call on April 30th. I'm gonna try to be motivated by my love for her, since this is what she needs and wants. I'm gonna try to remember that it's selfish to communicate with her when she does not want it! She knows how I feel, and she's told me how she feels. I've got to turn her loose, and turn her over to God, just like it was mentioned in your post, and let Him deal with her...because nothing else and nobody else at this point is gonna change her mind! I am scared of what is gonna happen. But I've got to start living, and quit just existing. I want to keep going, and have a happy life...one filled with compassion on my part, because it was so lacking on my part before! I'm sorry that we're having to go through this, I'm sorry we've hurt the ones we love, and I hope that things will get better for us.