OOOOOOOkay, Bbj, you know I care about you and want you to have what you want but some things sound very weird to me.
As a person I am very shy in regards to sex. Actually my H held it against me towards the end and he told me I made him feel ashamed also, while he was more adventurous, not concious about his body etc etc. Anyway, he was right. No doubt. And in my mind I believe that between 2 people that love each other and even more so, when married to each other, sex, making love, should have no restrictions and everything is allowed UNLESS one of them feels humiliated or put down. It's putting that in practice that I am having difficulties with :(I cant imagine Christians are any different than anybody else or that religion dictates that. And I am not an atheist or agnostic or a sex maniac (well maybe I am now).
BUT what you describe has a lot more to do with sex/pleasure in general than with just porn.And of course that explains part of cheating and the choices he made (meaning the women he chose). I am not a councelor or far from being an expert but if he felt dirty expressing his wishes with you, to you, if he felt he was not "following the path of God", Christ or religion, could it be possible that he tried to live a double life, satisfying himself outside your home, while being with you as a partner because he loves you?
I repeat, I dont know nothing about these things but honestly I saw a bulb lighting in my head when I read your last post. I actually saw it the other way around :Dan didnt stay with you all thru these years because of sex, Dan stayed with you because he loved you but strayed because of sex. People carry heavy baggage regarding sex, just like your mom, my mom was telling me the same. Dan probably does too. And that can be very confusing.
You think what our mom's told was healthy? I plan to tell my D and S to have as much sex as they can with their loved ones and that SEX/ML is a great joy. Not a slutty thing to do. My only extra advice will be to respect themselevs, their bodies and their partners.
Maybe Dan carried the same beliefs but when his desires went a little crazy (or maybe a lot, I cant judge that, really) his guilty towards you and himself became too much to handle. You are the mother of his kids afterall. I wouldn't be surprised if the Madonna syndrome (I think) had something to do with his reactions (cheating on you when you had the baby?)He found an alternative. He looked for it outside the marriage. And then... it was already too late.
YOU KNOW, I am not a supporter of Dan, I just think that some issues are really serious and shame makes us ignore them because we feel uncomfortable while that's where we should first look. I would suspect he has an issue with sex in general, not just porn and with a far deeper effect than we can all see.
Maybe all you needed all along was a good sex therapist... K
