I'm not sure if the bipolar meds are the culprit, because you say she's been on them ever since she started dating you. Unless she changed the meds, why would there be a change in libido?
Your W needs some tough love about self love and acceptance of her body. DON'T stop telling her that you think she's sexy. No matter what her response, it can only help her understand that you accept her and want her no matter what she thinks. If she wants to talk about it, I would be firm with her and tell her that she is being too hard on herself, too unrealistic about what is sexy, and that you are wild for her no matter what she thinks. Has she gained weight since you were married? Perhaps she simply needs to toughen up and lose whatever weight is holding her back from feeling sexy.
Did she start the pill or any other kind of medication at any time during your marriage? Did anything happen, related to her sexuality, during this time (unwanted pregnancy, miscarriage, rape/abuse)?
Another important thought: If you approach your W to initiate sex frequently, and the proportion of sexual touch versus non-sexual loving touch is out of whack, she could be feeling like a piece of meat. Like you just want to stick it in. KWIM? A woman needs constant and continual love, intimacy, and appreciation, in and out of the bedroom, in order to be open to making love. Does that make sense?
Do you do special things for each other and with each other? Is there romance in your relationship? Do you date and put aside time for just the two of you to connect emotionally? Do you go to bed together at the same time, and spend time before sleep connecting through talk and non-sexual touch/holding each other?
I hope my questions are helpful in stirring up some thoughts for you with the goal of pinpointing possible areas that need attention.
