Puppy, from your own experience, you said this "I disagree. People in affairs are ADDICTED to the affair, and HOWEVER you get them to end it, and come back, you can THEN begin to work on the underlying problems of the marriage." -well thats the approach you took with your WAW.
Not all A's are addictions, they can be a necessary pschological life stage, learning experience or in some cases, actual love. I'm sorry, I understand you need to calmly explain how him not spending his leave there affects the kids, but that wasnt what I thought the convo was about (sorry, I thought it was in the context of giving the M another try)...but I just dont think its about the kids, it has to be about YOU. You have to be the greener grass.
"he knows that i am faithfully attending church and that I have a strong faith in the Lord. He once did, too. That is not guilt, it is fact. I do not see where I used religion as guilt."
If he isnt so connected with the Church anymore, then mentioning you have church things on, will probably only add to his guilt, or, will make the gulf between you seem wider. And guilt is the enemy to reconciliation accroding to my db coach ! In which case, dont tell him about it? Keep it for yourself.
If I feel ill nowadays, I never tell my ex, as he doesnt want to handle that.. I deal with it myself. I see the comparison with alot of woman on thse boards that have a strong faith, but their WAH doesnt, or doesnt anymore. They dont attend church for a reason, perhaps that IS linked to the A, or their choices, or just a loss of faith. Either way.. being vocal about your faith is likely to add to their guilt and shame about leaving the M and "the spiritual path" and NOT draw them closer. Thats what I meant. A reminder that they have 'strayed', not that you used religion per se to guilt him?
I hope the changes you have been making are making him question his choices though, as thats the real way to do it hey!
