alien invasion II

[hoosiermama]

{{{{{HM}}}}}

So sad that things ended the way they did, but I honestly feel that your H was not healthy enough to be in a real relationship. I am so glad that the Peace of the Lord has filled you and you have forgiven your X. It is the greatest gift we can ever give ourselves.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

Thanks, SMW. I'm afraid you're right. I'm not sure H will ever really be whole enough to be in a balanced relationship. I realize that I have such a rut in my brain from believing it didn't work out because of my scars, issues, and dysfunctional childhood; after all, H's brothers and parents all have long-term, stable, and obviously loving marriages. And after all, H is a popular, gregarious guy--he must be easy to love, right? And I spent the past 6 1/2 years struggling in a very dysfunctional ministry sitch--surely that proves I'm the common link in both failures, right? I'm the one who's defective, right?

Kinda just realizing my line of thinking there--"stinking thinking," I believe it's called. Yeah, it would be highly beneficial for me to discern how I contributed to both situations, but I don't think I need to blame myself for them.

The peace I feel from forgiving is a gift from God, and truly not a result of anything I have done myself. But sometimes, I think, if one is just open to it, it will happen by the grace of God. Lots of prayer, by myself and others--and I am so grateful for that!

Hang in there, SMW--seems clear that things are moving in your sitch.