Hello, First off I need to say that I have not read SSM yet. However, I have been perusing these forums and they have a lot of great information and I definitely am going to be picking up the book.
Now, about my situation. I am a 35 year old male and am married to a 31 year old woman. We have been together for 3 years. At first we had sex pretty regularly, definitely enough to satisfy me. However, in probably the last year and a half things have gradually taken a down turn to the point where we are now, which is no sex in probably the last few months. Our relationship is pretty much normal besides this. We have no kids. We have the normal stresses of trying to make it in a crappy economy, but like I said, our relationship is pretty good. There is no history of infidelity on either of our parts.
She knows the lack of sex is an issue with me and we recently spoke about it. I don't push the issue but it really is starting to get to me. I've tried talking about it. I've tried ignoring the situation to see if it would get better on its own, but nothing seems to have worked so far. She said that she just doesn't have any sex drive anymore. She assures me that it isn't me and that she is still attracted to me, but the lack of sex really makes me feel undesirable and unloved.
She doesn't know why she has no sex drive, especially at her age. She says she thinks about it a lot..how she really would like to have sex, but she just can't get herself to do it. She was diagnosed as bipolar before I met her and has been on medication the whole time I have known her. I've been doing some reading and it looks like these meds can indeed cause women to lose their sex drive. She even mentioned to me that the meds might be the issue. That said, we definitely don't want to take her off her medication. She really was "messed up" before she was on the meds..her words, not mine. I don't want to see her that way just so I can maybe have sex more often.
The only other thing we discussed is her lack of positive body image. She really doesn't think she is attractive. I think just the opposite. Her main issue is her weight. I don't consider her heavy but she can't get over thinking that she is too fat. I would consider her curvy, which I like. When I give her compliments she almost seems annoyed with me. I find her very sexy and attractive, and I love her body, but I don't feel I can tell her so because like I said, she kinda shrugs it off and doesn't believe it.
So here I am, not really sure what to do. If the meds are the problem will anything I change make a difference? Sorry about the long post, but I'm really interested in working this out somehow if it is possible to work it out.