Stress, WAW and life in general III

[AJM]

Thanks guys.

Italians? I don't know too many Italians. Got suggestions to meet some to learn my flirting techniques?

MB - that is the $64K question isn't it? Do I feel connected? Yes. She is my soulmate. What I am wrestling with is how to really connect. I am wrestling with the idea that we may not be able to and while that would make me sad, it would sadden me more to be saddled with somebody I don't want to be around or doesn't want to be around me. I need that that connection. I told her that last night. I won't spend the rest of my life in a loveless marriage. We pinky swore we'd both would not accept less from one another. I told her how I think we made some mistakes by not listening to each other and that I won't accept that going forward. I told her that I want that kind of connection where if somebody asked me if I died and could come back, who I would come back as I would be able to answer "as her second husband" She wants the same.

I think she has a lot of resentment issues to work out. She tried to put me on a shelf while she pursued her career and that didn't work because I won't accept that. I won't accept it going forward either. I accepted too much of that in the past and it doesn't work. She has to figure that one out though. And I have to be patient while she does.

I don't think the marriage is over. I think we have an opportunity to build something great. We. I told her that. I told her that I'm not happy with the method, but that since we're here, I'm going with it. Embracing it. I told her she doesn't ask for help very well. I told her she'll need to learn how. She asked yesterday during the day, but at night wasn't able to. Wants to do it herself. Ok.

I mentioned how we both try to fix things. We need to learn to listen to each other without trying to fix things. Without trying to judge. I need that in my relationship with her. Without that, I won't be able to accept the relationship.

Interesting. I'm working to make that connection. I need to feel it. Or I need to realize it won't be there and walk away. But it is now do or die.

A challenge is always a good thing. It means there is possibility. It will be a hard road. For both of us. I mentioned that it seems odd to me that MC has us looking to the past while we really should be spending our time on the future. Once that's there, we can look to the past a bit more.

She still feels that being selfish is required. I haven't attacked that yet. I won't yet either. I think that time will come in the future. She has spoken highly of the MC which is good. I think she is putting a great deal of thought into how to make things work with us. She is asking the questions of how to regain that head over heals loving feeling. Hmm... I told her that it starts with reconnecting. Time. Knowing herself (she had mentioned she wanted to like the person in the mirror and I told her that until she does, we'll have to agree that I won't be able to fully know the new her). I think she's learning. She's trying to dig out of her depression and mindset and grapple with how to balance her life and desires and passions. She knows she is partly to blame for where we are and is trying to figure that out.

Patience.

What did you mean by textbook answer? Just for my clarity.

The connection seems to be the key to me. I cannot make any choices beyond that until that is stronger. Will I allow her to come back? I cannot let her come back easily. I know that. She has to "earn" it else it won't be worth it.

Long road ahead.


AJ