First Piecing Thread

[Hope4us]

Ok, guess it's time for an update.

A couple weeks ago our company had an emergency in Kentucky that I got called to. Kind of had to leave on short notice without any real idea when I'd be back. Ended up working 96 hours in 6 days. The first couple days I was gone, when I'd call W, she was acting like she didn't even want to talk, so I pretty much quit trying. I was so busy with work that I didn't really have to try to not call her because I didn't have the time.

On about the 3rd day, I start getting the TM's from her. That also happened to be the stretch where I worked 33 out of 36 hours. When I finally got back to the hotel that night I called her and she didn't answer. I left a message and said if you can call back in the next 10 minutes I'll still be awake but if not, don't call cause I'm exhausted. She called back fairly quickly and was a totally different person. We talked for probably 45 minutes. I kept trying to end the call, not because I wasn't enjoying it, but because I was half falling asleep while talking, but she kept bringing up more things to talk about etc.

The rest of the time I was gone, she was TM'ing me a lot and when I'd call there would be long conversations.

I got home last Wed evening and since I've been home she's been very engaged. We went out to dinner Thurs, Fri and Sat nights. Had a blast each time. Sat she wanted to go shopping and S17 and I were going to go out and buy him a new driver since he broke his and W suggested that we just drop her off and pick her up when we were done. So we did. She TM'd me saying she was done before S17 and I were so I replied that we weren't done and I'd TM her when we were (keep her waiting huh?).

Finally picked her up, went home and then just W and I out to dinner.

Sunday we worked in the yard all day.

Yesterday and today have been pretty normal.

We leave for Disney Saturday. W has been pretty excited about that. Me too for that matter.

One intersting thing from my trip though. At one point I was talking with a couple of guys who work for us in Indiana. Been friends with them for years. One of them asked how W was. I just said she's ok, but not wanting to give too much info out, said she's kind of in a MLC. The other guy started questioning me about W. I just told him that after we relocated she lost a lot of weight, started running around with EGF, etc.

Later that day he and I were alone and he said he wanted to talk to me about W. He then related how he had gone through the same thing, was depressed for probably 2 years, it was triggered by a number of things all happening to him in a short time frame and how it sounded like my W was going through the same things.

A lot of what he said hit home for me. One thing I've never shared here is that W's grandmother passed away a few years before we moved. W and grandma were VERY close. And looking back, I can see how it affected her and how she started showing signs of depression then. Then we relocated, STRESS. W mentapausal, HORMONES. OM = Player = A waiting to happen.

He then said it sounded like everything I was doing was the only way to go. He told me he never stepped outside his marriage, but he considered it because he was looking for ANYTHING to make himself feel GOOD. He said it sounds like your W is in the same place.

He also said when you're going through it, you become the most selfish person there is. He said you KNOW what you're putting your loved ones through, but all you can think is "what about me"?

Then one day, you figure it out. And then you have to deal with what you've done to your spouse and kids. He told me that he loves his wife more than he ever has, but if I'd have asked him 6 months ago, he'd have said, yes I love my wife, but what about me? And now he has a really hard time dealing with what he's done.

I told him that I see my W in that place right now. She's figured or is figuring this out, but she is now dealing with what she's done.

He ended by saying you have two options. One, cut and run now. Avoid all the heavy lifting you're doing and will have to continue to do for a while longer. Or two, contine to do that heavy lifting and when she figures it out, I'll have a W who will know that I stood by her and loves her like no one ever can/will and our marriage will be the best it can be.

So that's what is going on. His talk has given me new insight, even though he really didn't say anything that I haven't read her and other places before. Just helped hearing it first had from a friend.

That's not to say I will keep this up forever. Even he admitted that some people never figure it out. But with the way W has been the last few months, I feel like she's getting there, but just has those demons she's dealing with that only time and herself can figure out.