The adventure continues--part 5

[mindfull]

John:

She doesn't know what to do. Maybe she wants you to force her hand?

Don't understand the multiple infidelities.... She should be begging for forgiveness and her life back. I'm so pissed at her I could smack her.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

John, you are trying to understand the non-understandable. To apply logic to the illogical.

People in affairs are FOGGED OUT. What they tell you is confused at best, and smokescreen at worst. Why is she testing you??

Because she is.

[PortlandDad]

AF, Gucci and Puppy are right on this: It doesn't sounds like the sitch with the OM(s) is over yet. It is a little early to be claiming or expecting victory in this.

[PMA_Baby!]

Wow Gucci and Puppy. Pure Gold. AFWAW. You and every other member on this board should print this out and live it everyday.

Don't let her manipulate you anymore. Don't let her make you think that if I say I'm done too or not sure that she will definitely be done. You can't CONVINCE her to come back. She has to WANT YOU again. She is just playing you. I would be willing to put money on the fact that if you do what Gucci says in 1 month she will be wanting to come home. Only if you do exactly what he laid out for you. Back off. Sometimes you need to be her security blanket, unfortunately now is not the time it's backfiring on you.

PMA!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

When trying to give birth to a bouncing baby reconciliation, beware of false labor.

[song]

Great thread, and great advice from all.

This is too complicated. It shouldn't be this hard.

As someone else here said (not sure who, but I've read it many times)
It's not complicated, but it is very very hard.

[AFWAW]

I've said before... I believe that AF, like me, is not a strategic person when it comes to his life relationships, and that he can only play these roles that you suggest when he truly is done and ready to walk away. You are right - He is stuck in his feelings. I don't think he'll be able to get beyond them until he is truly beyond them.

Lucky, you are correct. I have a heart. It is difficult for me when I get something positive from her.

Your wife isn't playing games with you just for kicks. She is really trying to make a decision here.

I'm having a hard time with this one. I wish she would just make the damn decision either way so I can get on with it. If she's really trying to make a decision, what is the logic she's applying?

She gave her excuse about not having any responsibilities last night as she initially did when this all started. I know now that wasn't the case then, so why should I believe that now? The only thing that's changed is that she seems to be calling more often and seems to be interested in my day and how things are going in general.

Well, the job has picked up so that's something. It is still extremely hard to focus at times though, still. I woke up at 2 am again. Still waiting for the heartache to go away. My counselor told me I'd know when I've had enough. It feels like the cycle has started over yet again.

[DanceQueen]

By "not having responsibilities" she means responsibilities to YOU as her husband. She wants to be able to sleep with other men without being responsible to YOU for it. That's what she means. Don't read more into it than that.

You will wake up one day and realize you have detached. After that day happens, you'll find it very easy to follow Gucci's advice. Before that day, it will feel like game playing and it will be painful.

DQ

[AFWAW]

You may be correct but I hope you're not. She spell out some of the household responsibilities that she didn't want to take on at this point. Said she needed a break still.

Now, taking into consideration as to what you're saying though, is it wise to "spy" at this point to ascertain if my wife is still engaging in said activities? What say you?

[LG nm12]

She can't make her decision because YOU AREN'T GIVING HER WHAT SHE NEEDS TO MAKE IT. Either take away your kind, dignified behavior and start being a jerk so that she can chalk you up to "not enough of a man" who is also an a-hole and be done with you. OR....... MAN UP so that she has the beautiful soul AND the man of her dreams. Show her that you have self respect, that you KNOW you can have love with and be loved by any one of a number of women, and that you won't wait around for ANYONE to love you properly.

You need to get with the attitude that you are "da man" and that you have a ton to offer a woman, and that the way she is treating you (stringing you along while playing the field) is totally unacceptable. You're NOT a loser.

Get there.

Lucky