Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[kjensen]

Hi IL,
You can check out my recent history here with my two threads..I would say avoiding any talk about the OW or his A is extremely helpful in keeping your H from seeing you as the enemy. If you attack or disparage the OW, or your H for having an A, he may pull into the trenches even tighter and definitely see you as the enemy -which is obviously NOT the goal.

There are some great books I've read about affairs: After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring and also her her book on How do I Forgive you..for down the road. Read the archived threads from the MLC forum-there is a LOT of good info on what to expect from a spouse going through a MLC. It helps to educate and understand the nature of this journey so you aren't expecting the unattainable.

Great support here on this forum. Boundary setting(not my forte) should be mostly about keeping you sane and healthy. You'll figure out where those boundaries are by your comfort level with what goes on with your H. If he treats you as a doormat, then decide where that boundary lies and state it and stick with it...If he is disrespectful-set a limit on what you will take. Its about what keeps you healthy..

"One of his complaints is that we don't have anything in common, nothing to talk about, don't have fun together, etc"

Heard the same thing from my H..as you read people's threads you will see how many of our spouses have said the exact same thing-verbatim. You will know that you are not alone. Hang in there!