Of course she is going to test your resolve. Until you can pass these tests like successful men do, then I can't help you
Why does she need to test my resolve? Like you said, she cheated, she blew it. Why the $#!@ is she testing my resolve?
Quote:
AFWAW.. When a woman backs off, the smartest thing a man can do is to back off an equal distance. ("I feel the same way type of attitude") This then HELPS the woman to move PAST those feelings because it causes her thought process to change. (feelings FOLLOW THOUGHTS, so.. for feelings to change.. we need her thoughts to change) This is why you WANT her to wonder if you don't want her back. It changes her thought process. You HAVE to follow this through. HOLD THE LINE.
It felt like she had moved past those feelings. I thought I was holding the line. Did I pull too soon? It felt like she was going to slip off the line if I didn't pull. Dammit!!!! This is too complicated. It shouldn't be this hard.
Quote:
You need to be using the same stategy she is. (her strategy is the one that IS working) SHE is saying the things I keep recommending to you. It seems to be working fabulous for her doesn't it? Haven't you noticed that when she backs off that you NATURALLY WANT to move toward her?
I see what you're saying but why does she feel she can play these games with me? Why does she think that she has this right? Is it because she can go get another man today? Is it because she knows she has options?
Quote:
you are now back to square one. You are now feeling like...(you know what again)
I know, I know, I'm just very very very frustrated at this point and oh so tired. My daughter asked me last night if it was her fault that her mom left. This #hit is getting very, very, very tiresome at this point.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
And that's exactly what you WANT her to perceive!!! That's what Gucci is trying to teach you. It is only when a WAS perceives that you MAY not be so interested anymore that they will make the move back towards you.
Ok, I saw this and it did not seem she was moving back towards me, it seemed like she was resolved to moving on without me. Am I reading this incorrectly?
Yes.
You need to judge her on her ACTIONS, not her WORDS. The words are a smokescreen. If you continue to go by what she says, and be reactive to how "mad" it makes her, or how lonely things make you feel, you will not have success.
I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE HERE!!! I succumbed to a couple of "false starts" myself, and went all melty-man, despite MY mentor's warnings, and it cost me.
Ok, Puppy. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm listening again. Please advise the best way to react when she says these words to me. They have to mean something. I know now how easy it is for her to go get attention from other men--she's proven that. I don't want a repeat of that. How do I react so that does not happen again and still get what I want?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Gucci: I've said before... I believe that AF, like me, is not a strategic person when it comes to his life relationships, and that he can only play these roles that you suggest when he truly is done and ready to walk away. You are right - He is stuck in his feelings. I don't think he'll be able to get beyond them until he is truly beyond them.
AF: Your wife isn't playing games with you just for kicks. She is really trying to make a decision here. She needs to see a strong man in you. You have been like a "rock" with regard to your dignity and "being there" for her. Those are beautiful things. I think she needs to see a MAN who won't put up with these silly antics from a silly little girl. MAN UP. Walk away. Move on. You are allowing yourself to be a fool over and over again. No woman wants a fool. She needs to be put in her place by seeing you take control of your life and by not allowing her to have the upper hand. I know that you won't be ready to see this perspective until you are... ready. I hope that is very soon.
Ok, Puppy. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm listening again. Please advise the best way to react when she says these words to me. They have to mean something. I know now how easy it is for her to go get attention from other men--she's proven that. I don't want a repeat of that. How do I react so that does not happen again and still get what I want?
Gucci has already laid out for you the specifics of what you need to do and say. You did it last week, and it WORKED. Just get back to that, and allow some time for the damage to be undone.
I know this sukks. NO ONE said this was in any way "fair." It's not. It's the worst, and most counterintuitive thing you'll ever have to do. We're only trying to spare you from making the same mistakes we did.
Gucci: I've said before... I believe that AF, like me, is not a strategic person when it comes to his life relationships, and that he can only play these roles that you suggest when he truly is done and ready to walk away. You are right - He is stuck in his feelings. I don't think he'll be able to get beyond them until he is truly beyond them.
AF: Your wife isn't playing games with you just for kicks. She is really trying to make a decision here. She needs to see a strong man in you. You have been like a "rock" with regard to your dignity and "being there" for her. Those are beautiful things. I think she needs to see a MAN who won't put up with these silly antics from a silly little girl. MAN UP. Walk away. Move on. You are allowing yourself to be a fool over and over again. No woman wants a fool. She needs to be put in her place by seeing you take control of your life and by not allowing her to have the upper hand. I know that you won't be ready to see this perspective until you are... ready. I hope that is very soon.
Lucky
Let me share a little story with all of you.
When my wife was having her affair two summers ago, it was with a 28 year old young man who lived with his parents and he was studying to be . . . wait for it . . . A COP. He was going thru the academy, and part of the process is a "public review" period, whereby if anyone has an objection to him becoming a police officer, we can write a letter to his file, and it will be considered.
One of the considerations is "moral turpitude."
Well, I wrote a letter. I had audio recordings of this kid actually offering to have another friend, who was a cop, cover for them and lie for them to cover up their affair! I thought that my wife would be LIVID if she found out, and she never did until after we had reconciled, and she was just quiet when I told her -- didn't really say much one way or another.
A few weeks after I had mailed the letter, I got a call from a deputy sheriff who wanted to meet with me for a cup of coffee to discuss my allegations. Upon the advice of my attorney, I declined, and instead told them "You have my statements; what you choose to do with them are entirely up to you and the County," and we left it at that.
This past week, somehow we got on the conversation again, and the letter came up. "You should have gone thru with that," she said. "He never should have been allowed to become a cop." And the context of what we were talking about was "doing the right thing" and "integrity" and she ADMIRED me for sending it!!!
I also think she was a little disappointed in me that I didn't follow thru with it.
Now, if she knew at the time that I sent it? She'd be LIVID. But that wouldn't be what she TRULY believed about it.
No more feelings, get in cerebral mode. I think now is the time to move on. I think she knows where you stand about love, parenting and marriage. She is deciding on this? What other information does she need. Time to move on, listen to GUCCI!, LISTEN TO LUCKY, LISTEN TO PUPPY!!!!
It is time to stop feeling like a beat up little boy and come out of the corner. YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU WILL BE OK!
Ok, I'll get back into this mode. You guys think it was working but if it was working then why the talk from her about moving on without me and it doesn't seem like I'm interested, etc? Why is she testing me at this point? I'm trying to understand this but cannot. She cheated on me. I've done nothing wrong. Either she wants to come home or she doesn't. What is the hold up? Somebody please help me to understand.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
