Gucci: I've said before... I believe that AF, like me, is not a strategic person when it comes to his life relationships, and that he can only play these roles that you suggest when he truly is done and ready to walk away. You are right - He is stuck in his feelings. I don't think he'll be able to get beyond them until he is truly beyond them.
AF: Your wife isn't playing games with you just for kicks. She is really trying to make a decision here. She needs to see a strong man in you. You have been like a "rock" with regard to your dignity and "being there" for her. Those are beautiful things. I think she needs to see a MAN who won't put up with these silly antics from a silly little girl. MAN UP. Walk away. Move on. You are allowing yourself to be a fool over and over again. No woman wants a fool. She needs to be put in her place by seeing you take control of your life and by not allowing her to have the upper hand. I know that you won't be ready to see this perspective until you are... ready. I hope that is very soon.
Lucky
Let me share a little story with all of you.
When my wife was having her affair two summers ago, it was with a 28 year old young man who lived with his parents and he was studying to be . . . wait for it . . . A COP. He was going thru the academy, and part of the process is a "public review" period, whereby if anyone has an objection to him becoming a police officer, we can write a letter to his file, and it will be considered.
One of the considerations is "moral turpitude."
Well, I wrote a letter. I had audio recordings of this kid actually offering to have another friend, who was a cop, cover for them and lie for them to cover up their affair! I thought that my wife would be LIVID if she found out, and she never did until after we had reconciled, and she was just quiet when I told her -- didn't really say much one way or another.
A few weeks after I had mailed the letter, I got a call from a deputy sheriff who wanted to meet with me for a cup of coffee to discuss my allegations. Upon the advice of my attorney, I declined, and instead told them "You have my statements; what you choose to do with them are entirely up to you and the County," and we left it at that.
This past week, somehow we got on the conversation again, and the letter came up. "You should have gone thru with that," she said. "He never should have been allowed to become a cop." And the context of what we were talking about was "doing the right thing" and "integrity" and she ADMIRED me for sending it!!!
I also think she was a little disappointed in me that I didn't follow thru with it.
Now, if she knew at the time that I sent it? She'd be LIVID. But that wouldn't be what she TRULY believed about it.
