Also, I am yet to see a sitch on these boards restored through the power of prayer alone
I'm not sure what you have not seen Ali. IMHO, my sitch was saved through prayer. Had I not had Jesus on my side, boy, I sure wouldn't have my husband beside me today.
SMW, I read thru the whole convo you had. woah. that was even more than what you told me. Now, normally I would not be condoning that forceful of a conversation, however, looking at the impact afterwards, there does not seem to be any repercussions. The reason I am not for all that, is because of the guilt you place upon his head. I know that you want him to stop hurting the kids, and I know that Bob came home only for the kids first, and then God restored his and Barbara's M, but I believe that your H needs to come home for you. as well as my H. I do not believe that we need to guilt our spouses into coming home.. not that it was your intention. I know you were trying to get him to see the hurt that his choices are causing them to go through. This is why he kept looking at the ground, and then saying he had to go, and saying he couldn't go to the meeting with pastor. It is too great for him to deal with. He is weak right now.
Now, I'm not totally against your convo...(just part of it), and I totally understand, and you did well keeping calm and all that. NOW, don't do it again. What was very good, is the fact you brought up your mistake about putting the kids first. That is good to show him that you understand your mistakes. Now he gets to watch and see if you have changed and fixed your mistakes. He still needs that validation. The reason he is here is from some sort of pain. Granted, he has caused an incredible amount of pain on all of you, but it doesn't mean he is not hurting.
Your doing so well though, and I am very proud of you. God has a wonderful life planned for you both. I can't wait for those days that you can celebrate the M that he saved and is already saving!
Crissy--
No, I am pretty sure I told you all of it. Of course, my brain was still so scrambled that I know I related things very disjointed. Typing it all out and being able to see it in print made it easier to remember things in order.
Remember, too, I have NEVER had any type of calm talk about things with him. It has been almost 18 months and It was time to do that. While my intent was not to place guilt or blame, he NEEDS to know and understand the pain these kids are going through. Choices have consequences. He needs to reconcile himself to the fallout or do something to prevent it. He is military--he understands collateral damage. It is up to him to decide if the amount of collateral damage is worth the path he is on. The things I said about my relationship with my dad are true and he knows it. Now he can reflect on it.
The conversation will not be held again. Everything that needed to be said was said and the ball is sitting in his court. I am continuing to be me living my life with the kids. His corner is still open but it will not encompass our world anymore.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
What was very good, is the fact you brought up your mistake about putting the kids first. That is good to show him that you understand your mistakes. Now he gets to watch and see if you have changed and fixed your mistakes. He still needs that validation. The reason he is here is from some sort of pain. Granted, he has caused an incredible amount of pain on all of you, but it doesn't mean he is not hurting. 
