If I had pom poms I'd be jumping up and down with them! You did awesome. You know why you were calm and collected - God was there beside you, on your side, fighting alongside you to be able to speak to your DH in a manner that he would trully HEAR, not just REACT to your emotions like in the past.
WONDERFUL!
Mish--
Thanks! Oh, I absolutely know that the Lord was standing with me when I talked to DH last week!! The thing is, whie he may have heard me, I am wondering if he is really listening??? Time will tell.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
SMW, I find it hard NOT to post and tell you how inspiring you are. God is really working through you and it is simply amazing to see your faith in action. That is what you call unwavering......like Abraham and Sarah. You are an inspiration to me personally!!
I am praying for you and your family (Psalm 51)!
kara--
You are sweet, thank you! I am just following the Lord's leading an he seems to have me on the path to reconciliation. Would I like it sooner rather than later--ABSOLUTELY! But, His time is not mine and I am learning patience at the same time through all of this. DH also saw me dealing with the kids with more attention and less yelling, prompting them to behave more readily.
While it is flattering that you find me an inspiration, do not let it be me that inspires you but instead the God I serve. He truly deserves all the praise and glory. I was a mess until I turned things over to Him. I do still sometimes slip and let things get me down, but I allow Him to gently steer me back home as soon as possible.
Thank you for the prayers! Every extra prayer warrior only gets God's attention that much more.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
WOW! What I wouldn't give to be able to do what you did. I too worry about the impact on my kids, but every time I've brought it up, H just gets mad and says I'm blowing it out of proportion - they'll be fine. You said it perfectly!! You go girl! Thanks for being such an inspiration. I too will pray for you and your family Psalm 51.
In Limbo--
Unfortunately, having been a child of divorce, I am better positioned to explain the long term repercussions on a child, even a teenager.
I could never have had this conversation with DH a year, even six months, ago. God had to do a lot of work in me to get me to this point and we still have a long way to go. Hopefully DH will jump on this ride sooner rather than later, but it will all work out to God's glory.
See my comments to kara Re: inspiration. I also thank you for the prayers. I cannot wait for the day I can tell DH about how people all over the world cared enough about us to pray for us and our reconciliation.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Also, I am yet to see a sitch on these boards restored through the power of prayer alone
I'm not sure what you have not seen Ali. IMHO, my sitch was saved through prayer. Had I not had Jesus on my side, boy, I sure wouldn't have my husband beside me today.
SMW, I read thru the whole convo you had. woah. that was even more than what you told me. Now, normally I would not be condoning that forceful of a conversation, however, looking at the impact afterwards, there does not seem to be any repercussions. The reason I am not for all that, is because of the guilt you place upon his head. I know that you want him to stop hurting the kids, and I know that Bob came home only for the kids first, and then God restored his and Barbara's M, but I believe that your H needs to come home for you. as well as my H. I do not believe that we need to guilt our spouses into coming home.. not that it was your intention. I know you were trying to get him to see the hurt that his choices are causing them to go through. This is why he kept looking at the ground, and then saying he had to go, and saying he couldn't go to the meeting with pastor. It is too great for him to deal with. He is weak right now.
Now, I'm not totally against your convo...(just part of it), and I totally understand, and you did well keeping calm and all that. NOW, don't do it again. What was very good, is the fact you brought up your mistake about putting the kids first. That is good to show him that you understand your mistakes. Now he gets to watch and see if you have changed and fixed your mistakes. He still needs that validation. The reason he is here is from some sort of pain. Granted, he has caused an incredible amount of pain on all of you, but it doesn't mean he is not hurting.
Your doing so well though, and I am very proud of you. God has a wonderful life planned for you both. I can't wait for those days that you can celebrate the M that he saved and is already saving!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Now, normally I would not be condoning that forceful of a conversation, however, looking at the impact afterwards, there does not seem to be any repercussions. The reason I am not for all that, is because of the guilt you place upon his head. I know that you want him to stop hurting the kids, and I know that Bob came home only for the kids first, and then God restored his and Barbara's M, but I believe that your H needs to come home for you. as well as my H. I do not believe that we need to guilt our spouses into coming home.. not that it was your intention. I know you were trying to get him to see the hurt that his choices are causing them to go through. This is why he kept looking at the ground, and then saying he had to go, and saying he couldn't go to the meeting with pastor. It is too great for him to deal with. He is weak right now.
Now, I'm not totally against your convo...(just part of it), and I totally understand, and you did well keeping calm and all that. NOW, don't do it again.
Sorry I disagree with this. SMW did not put her H on a guilt trip. She presented him the facts as to what is going on with their children as a result of the actions he is taking. If he feels guilty about that, then he should start doing positive things to fix it. To me, not telling him what his children are experiencing as a result of his actions does him a disservice in having any chance of salvaging a decent relationship with his kids. To me she is doing the responsible thing, if her H thinks she's simply putting a guilt trip on him then it's a further reflection of his current selfish attitude that has infected his relationship with SMW and their kids. Just my 2 cents.
Now, normally I would not be condoning that forceful of a conversation, however, looking at the impact afterwards, there does not seem to be any repercussions. The reason I am not for all that, is because of the guilt you place upon his head. I know that you want him to stop hurting the kids, and I know that Bob came home only for the kids first, and then God restored his and Barbara's M, but I believe that your H needs to come home for you. as well as my H. I do not believe that we need to guilt our spouses into coming home.. not that it was your intention. I know you were trying to get him to see the hurt that his choices are causing them to go through. This is why he kept looking at the ground, and then saying he had to go, and saying he couldn't go to the meeting with pastor. It is too great for him to deal with. He is weak right now.
Now, I'm not totally against your convo...(just part of it), and I totally understand, and you did well keeping calm and all that. NOW, don't do it again.
Sorry I disagree with this. SMW did not put her H on a guilt trip. She presented him the facts as to what is going on with their children as a result of the actions he is taking. If he feels guilty about that, then he should start doing positive things to fix it. To me, not telling him what his children are experiencing as a result of his actions does him a disservice in having any chance of salvaging a decent relationship with his kids. To me she is doing the responsible thing, if her H thinks she's simply putting a guilt trip on him then it's a further reflection of his current selfish attitude that has infected his relationship with SMW and their kids. Just my 2 cents.
That is what I have been praying all along, along with select other things like conviction and repentance for him and strength to stand in the face of what appears to be hopeless to all but me and God. I know where my strength comes from and ultimately, it is only God's leading that matters. I will weigh all else against what He tells me to do. If they do not gel, I will discard accordingly.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
Wow SWM!! I continue to be amazed at the amount of faith and strenth you exude. Like other have said, you have true, unwavering faith and you will be blessed for it. Very impressive :-)!
While I am strong while awake, I had horrible dreams last night that I woke up shaken from. While I know the situation in the dreams is impossible, I still fought for a good 20 minutes to pull myself together. I was saying prayers to bind the strongholds in my mind and to release the fruits of the Spirit to fill me. I am calming down now.
Quote:
Like Puppy suggested, I also continue to pray for wisdom, guidance, and discernment and am learning the lesson of patience! God is revealing his answers & plan to be piece by piece in His timing and it has been a challenge to waiting patiently! Like you, I am also praying for conviction & repentance for my H.
God definitely has us on a need to know basis. Man I wish my security clearance was higher. I do know the end result, but I wish I had a clearer picture of the journey or the length of the mission. I know the next mission after this one (Piecing) will be even more challenging and God has to make sure I am ready for it. I need to press in closer to Him. I need a few extra hours in the day!
Quote:
You certainly gave your DH lots to think about and I will continue to pray for him, as well as for your rest of your family. It's is great to see God at work through you! :-)
I know I gave it to him to think about. Hopefully he is actually thinking. God is awesome and I am in awestruck wonder and humble gratefulness that He is allowing me to be a vessel for Him. Thank you for the continued prayers.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Also, I am yet to see a sitch on these boards restored through the power of prayer alone
I'm not sure what you have not seen Ali. IMHO, my sitch was saved through prayer. Had I not had Jesus on my side, boy, I sure wouldn't have my husband beside me today.
SMW, I read thru the whole convo you had. woah. that was even more than what you told me. Now, normally I would not be condoning that forceful of a conversation, however, looking at the impact afterwards, there does not seem to be any repercussions. The reason I am not for all that, is because of the guilt you place upon his head. I know that you want him to stop hurting the kids, and I know that Bob came home only for the kids first, and then God restored his and Barbara's M, but I believe that your H needs to come home for you. as well as my H. I do not believe that we need to guilt our spouses into coming home.. not that it was your intention. I know you were trying to get him to see the hurt that his choices are causing them to go through. This is why he kept looking at the ground, and then saying he had to go, and saying he couldn't go to the meeting with pastor. It is too great for him to deal with. He is weak right now.
Now, I'm not totally against your convo...(just part of it), and I totally understand, and you did well keeping calm and all that. NOW, don't do it again. What was very good, is the fact you brought up your mistake about putting the kids first. That is good to show him that you understand your mistakes. Now he gets to watch and see if you have changed and fixed your mistakes. He still needs that validation. The reason he is here is from some sort of pain. Granted, he has caused an incredible amount of pain on all of you, but it doesn't mean he is not hurting.
Your doing so well though, and I am very proud of you. God has a wonderful life planned for you both. I can't wait for those days that you can celebrate the M that he saved and is already saving!
Crissy--
No, I am pretty sure I told you all of it. Of course, my brain was still so scrambled that I know I related things very disjointed. Typing it all out and being able to see it in print made it easier to remember things in order.
Remember, too, I have NEVER had any type of calm talk about things with him. It has been almost 18 months and It was time to do that. While my intent was not to place guilt or blame, he NEEDS to know and understand the pain these kids are going through. Choices have consequences. He needs to reconcile himself to the fallout or do something to prevent it. He is military--he understands collateral damage. It is up to him to decide if the amount of collateral damage is worth the path he is on. The things I said about my relationship with my dad are true and he knows it. Now he can reflect on it.
The conversation will not be held again. Everything that needed to be said was said and the ball is sitting in his court. I am continuing to be me living my life with the kids. His corner is still open but it will not encompass our world anymore.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Now, normally I would not be condoning that forceful of a conversation, however, looking at the impact afterwards, there does not seem to be any repercussions. The reason I am not for all that, is because of the guilt you place upon his head. I know that you want him to stop hurting the kids, and I know that Bob came home only for the kids first, and then God restored his and Barbara's M, but I believe that your H needs to come home for you. as well as my H. I do not believe that we need to guilt our spouses into coming home.. not that it was your intention. I know you were trying to get him to see the hurt that his choices are causing them to go through. This is why he kept looking at the ground, and then saying he had to go, and saying he couldn't go to the meeting with pastor. It is too great for him to deal with. He is weak right now.
Now, I'm not totally against your convo...(just part of it), and I totally understand, and you did well keeping calm and all that. NOW, don't do it again.
Sorry I disagree with this. SMW did not put her H on a guilt trip. She presented him the facts as to what is going on with their children as a result of the actions he is taking. If he feels guilty about that, then he should start doing positive things to fix it. To me, not telling him what his children are experiencing as a result of his actions does him a disservice in having any chance of salvaging a decent relationship with his kids. To me she is doing the responsible thing, if her H thinks she's simply putting a guilt trip on him then it's a further reflection of his current selfish attitude that has infected his relationship with SMW and their kids. Just my 2 cents.
S4H
S4H--
Thank you for the support. I think Crissy is worried that it reality will push him further away. I don't know. For now, he seems to be pullin in. a phone all Thursday night, emails on Saturday, D6's birthday party resulted in him being here all day on Sunday, he was here all evening last night and plans to be over tonight. He has duty tomorrow and is planning to attend D9's counseling appointment on Thursday. Friday is family game night at the church and he is planning to go to that, too. That is an awful lot of time here for a man that does not want this marriage or family. I will just keep shining. Friday will be good for that, as my closest friend is on the committee for the game night and I will get to goof with her and her twin in front of DH. He will see me interacting with others outside of our family, with people he has never met.
I am doing good.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
What was very good, is the fact you brought up your mistake about putting the kids first. That is good to show him that you understand your mistakes. Now he gets to watch and see if you have changed and fixed your mistakes. He still needs that validation. The reason he is here is from some sort of pain. Granted, he has caused an incredible amount of pain on all of you, but it doesn't mean he is not hurting.