I tried the being positive bit, keeping it light, etc and she percieved that as I'm not interested anymore.
That is what you WANT her to think. She tested you (I told you she would and you HAD to PASS the test) You WANT her to think those things because you SHOULD be giving her some signals that you don't want her back. It is called.. I HAVE A BACKBONE and you have been having an affair. It is a strong, male, confident,approach. (which ATTRACTS women)
Of course she is going to test your resolve. Until you can pass these tests like successful men do, then I can't help you.
When she told you that you didn't seem like you wanted her back you NEEDED to say to her....." You may be right. I have been doing some thinking and I guess I am not sure anymore."
How well has telling her you still wanted her back been working for you?
How well has her been telling you that she isn't sure been working for her?...
AFWAW.. When a woman backs off, the smartest thing a man can do is to back off an equal distance. ("I feel the same way type of attitude") This then HELPS the woman to move PAST those feelings because it causes her thought process to change. (feelings FOLLOW THOUGHTS, so.. for feelings to change.. we need her thoughts to change) This is why you WANT her to wonder if you don't want her back. It changes her thought process. You HAVE to follow this through. HOLD THE LINE. (I have told you to hold the line and you need to grasp what that means) We are using the word WONDER here. You don't tell her that you don't want her back. You tell her that you are not SURE if you do and you are not SURE what you want. This is what will cause her to wonder. The fact is you are not telling her much of anything. You WANT her to fill in the blanks.. (have I gone too far, has he found someone else, what if it is too late) This is why you can NOT reassure her when she uses her tactics on you that have been so successful for her.
You need to be using the same stategy she is. (her strategy is the one that IS working) SHE is saying the things I keep recommending to you. It seems to be working fabulous for her doesn't it? Haven't you noticed that when she backs off that you NATURALLY WANT to move toward her?
What you were doing over the weekend WAS working. You blew it and drove yourself back to square one. You should never have told her that you were "just giving" her space. You had the perfect opportunity at lunch to move this in YOUR direction. (which should be to tell her..."hmmmmm maybe you ARE right, maybe I don't know what I want either. I have decided that I am not sure I want to be with someone that can't make up their mind and is in love with someone else. I guess I haven't been thinking clearly. I guess I know how YOU feel now huh?"
Then SHUT UP....
Her mentioning this to you SHOWED that it was working. She outplayed you again because you really don't trust the game plan because of lack of confidence and resolve and because you are following your "feelings."
Your whole attitude and demeanor should be that YES you are giving up. YES you are not sure you want her back. I told you not to be mean or punitive. (YOU WEREN'T, but you let her set the reality because of your fear) When she told you that she was reaching out to you and you cut her short, all you needed to say was... "Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize that I cut you short. I was pretty busy and had my mind on some other things."
She may then say at a later time... "Do you still love me?"... You: "I will always love you, but I'm not sure if I am "in" love with you. I am not sure what I feel right now."
Please notice the use of the words "maybe you are right" and "I am not sure." These are the phrases YOU need to be using.
Then SHUT UP... not mean. not punitive...
You are now back to square one. You are now feeling like...(you know what again)
