Hey everyone, thanks. Well, I knew something was up, as I said he hadnt replied to my text.
Well, another dip on the rollercoast..I guess you are all right and I need to stay patient, but he just phoned me at home and he sounds 'gone' again. Back to August 08. He had something important in the post I meant to give it to him, but I didnt, and he said Thursday its ok, I will get it off you sometime...
but he just phoned me from home and was embarressed and basically wants me to forward it in the post to him. He was trying not to ask me to do this, so it was all a bit confused to begin with and I offered to get it to him, or did he want to meet? (as I couldnt tell and he was umming and ahhing). But then he sort of said (as though he just thought of it, he's so sly!!!) oh well I am busy and got football and stuff later I dont want to miss that and I dont want to take up your time, you have enough on your plate (we talked a bit about college), so said just post it and then gave me his address (he moved in in January and gave it to me now its May.. EXACTLY the same as LAST YEAR.. moved into his flat January and gave me the address in the May so I could forward his DVLA thing on, just like now, how spooky is that? And depressing, a year on hey...)
He sounded a bit snappy, short, but DID warm up when he talked to me about ipods and was giving me some advice. So I said, are you ok? He said... "oohhh, I'm alright, I'm alright".. NOT sounding alright and sounding wound up and then he said in a heavy voice "I'm just a bit tense".. I said are you? He said "yeah, just very tense".. I said I was sorry to hear that, he laughed and said, oh its ok, I've been tense before, making a joke of it. I was embarressed and felt crushed by the tone in his voice (distant, dont want to be talking to you really, but I have to because I need my tax paperwork...)
He told me he had snuck out of work to "sort this out", that he was looking for his car log book, but couldnt find it, so he neded the thing I had sent to my house... He said it was ok, he lied and told them he had to pop out and visit a site, but he had to get back to work now.. he said, oh its ok, they dont know what I do in that office anyway and so he basically admitted to me (without realising it) that he is working in HER office and not his own. He moaned a bit about work and muttered something about the people there and then said, sorry, dont want to moan at you...
So he walked out of work, mid morning and drove (20 minutes?) home to make that call to me.. (a 10 minute call?) and then was going back to work. I guess he did that because he knew it wouldnt be a quick call to me and cant call from his office, as she sits next to him, so he couldnt risk it. Really wierd.
Sounded like he didnt really want to talk to me, didnt ask me how I was.. but my voice sounded sad/strained as his tone was so distant again, gone, dismissive.. so he ended up saying, are you oK? you sound stressed.. so I said some stuff about college and was quite negative and moaney myself (crushed).
I asked if he had a good weekend and then his voice softened a little and said, yes, yeah really nice, was really good to see S (his old childhood friend) and said then in a closed off voice.. "yeah it was good to chat to him, to have a chat..." and I thought, oh no.. thats the same thing he said when he went to Wales August 08 and after that weekend where he chatted to his BMF, he shut down and stopped hanging out with me. He had the same tone in his voice.
He said he would give me a call "sometime".. "for a catch up and stuff.." later he said kind of offhand, we'll catch up properly soon and good luck with college...as though he wasnt going to see me for a while.
I dont know whats happened, what S advised him..but he sounded bad. Very on edge and in a bad mood. Clearly his "I'm tense" and nipping out of work to call me means that there is a bad atmosphere between him and helen at work this morning (he has been away all weekend and might only just have seen her). He also said he did drink too much at the weekend, so he probably is in a dark mood and really tired.
I'm upset..his voice sounds like he has done another U turn. I hope because he is stressed and 'tense' because he knows he has to break up with her. Clearly he didnt sound happy, so I dont suppose he is happy to see her this morning, or planning to stay with her, but he certainly gave me the brushoff.
It wasnt very nice and quite honestly, I wasnt expecting him to call me like that, this morning.
The bad thing was, I didnt handle it very well and sounded down and awkward with him, I was just totally wrong footed.. I had a mouthful of toast, and admitted that.. then felt very embarressed. So he knows now, I am NOT at college first thing.. made me think of my 180s and the new me and then there am I, clearly lazing around at home. So I gabbled that I was trying to print something off (which was true, as I cant at college)..but I was embarressed, like I had been 'caught out' and he would think I havent changed.. when in fact I am often up at 7am these days.. which is a total 180 for me.
