The adventure continues--part 5

[AFWAW]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I understand and hear what you are saying. I know I'm letting myself get caught back up in the drama. All these emotions are playing havoc w/ my mental well being. And yes, I feel like a yoyo. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I tried the being positive bit, keeping it light, etc and she percieved that as I'm not interested anymore. I've told her how I feel and she makes more excuses about not coming home. I do understand that she may still be involved w/ OM. Her attitude has changed though over the past 2 weeks--why, I don't know. It could be because OM is not in the pic, once again I don't know. Don't think for a sec that I don't think it's a possibility. I'm sure most of you can tell that I'm very frustrated at this point in time and am unsure how to proceed. I honestly don't know what I want. Part of me wants my wife back. I want a life with her. I enjoy her company. I'm holding back the other part of me--the scary part, the oh so scary part. I don't want to be cruel to my wife ever but I fear that if I get a divorce all this pent up frustration and anger over what has happened will come unleashed and I won't ever want to see her or hear from her again. I am scared of what the future holds. I know I don't have to make a decision today or tomorrow but one day I'll have to make a decision. I just wish things wouldn't have turned out this way. I honestly would have gone nuts now if it wasn't for this board. Thanks again for all your responses, I just don't know what to do at this point as nothing seems to be working.