I just wanted to add here that from the people that have posted to me since I started 2 are happily reconciled and 2 are piecing, they just no longer post here. Personally, I think there are a lot more successful people here than we realise, they just stop posting. JMO.
Personally I think if you do the work that you need to do in stopping repeating the negative patterns then you stand a chance, not a high one, but the chance is there. Time also helps.
SL, I think you truly need to look after yourself. View your h as out of the picture at the moment and start making your life happy. You don't need to understand the reasons for why he left to do that. It might be that you never know why he left; it might be that that even he doesn't know. Whatever the reason though at the moment he is not there. You need to work on your healing and go through your grief and shock.
IMO the quickness of his decisions may be the new r's downfall, they both sound like they have issues. In a way it is good that they are living them together and you are not caught up in their mess just at the moment. If you want to stand for your marriage then that is your decision, you just need to make sure that you are able to cope with that as it is a difficult road and that you life does not stop whilst you are doing that.
