AFWAW, Puppy is correct...IMHO the affair is still ongoing. You need to try to confirm any and if possible all four of the OM. You need to present this to your 1St Sgt and CC. If you ask you will find out that no UCMJ action will happen but...the fear of loss of stripes ( or commission) will stop them. At you and your Ws rank you are talking major loss of benefits for life. mindblank is dead on target...your time for Mr Nice Guy is coming to an end. It is so important for you to get proof...ask friends, hire a PI, see if your Shirt will help investigate (unofficially) gather evidence. I know you are scared and hurt right now...soon you will go to angry and I don't give a crap.
That is normal...you need to prepare for the divorce without her knowing anything if that makes you feel better but you must prepare. With the Bronze Star if yuo do not make E-8 this year you will probably make it next year...you are talking about $12K per year now and $6K per year retirement pay for the rest of your life. It is estimated that a E-7 retirement pay is worth about $600K and a E-8 pay is worth about $1.2M...it is possible this "affair" may cost you personally about $300K before it is over.
You need proof of the affair to protect your retirement...I am sorry to make this so clinical when I know (personally, I am mil/mil) that you are hurting as I was in the same situation as you. I am not saying she is sleeping with one of the four but you can bet big money something is going on adn I doubt it is watching movies. A mother doesn't leave her daughter like this with no plan...her only plan can be another man. Unless she is an addict (drugs, alcohol, etc) a mother will not normally leave her kids with no plan. What will happen if you get a short notice assignment with your promotion? If she has filed first your daughter will stay with her in Fl and you will PCS. You will have trouble with custody and the court will feel that it is best for your daughter to stay as is ( with your W). Then you will find that your pay is garnished and you will feel like a dead beat dad for not paying...you wife will have her shirt call your shirt/commander and get you in trouble with a markdown on your EPR resulting in no chance for CMSgt.
I know you are hurting...accept it as this is how life is right now but it will get better. I pray you make SMSgt...that is a big change in everything...think of yourself as a JR CEO. It is an incredible accomplishment as is E7. I some times think two SNCOs living together is an explosion waiting to happen...with you is seems to have expolded...for me we had to totally split our personal and professional life as we kept butting heads (lucky for me I out rank her!)
For now accept that it is over...fix yourself legally, ( I know you think you have but just because she said she will pay something doesn't mean she will nor will she have to legally. I have 10 yrs+ in Fl but cannot remember but I think any debt may have to be split...that is why I worry about the apartment and other bills she is creating that you do not know about...I had one guy that worked for me that had his wife buy a motorcycle as a gift for her OM the day before he came back. She emptied all accounts, moved out of the house with everything (except his clothes) got a restraining order and a divorce. Told him the day he returned...long story short is he lost everything, filed bankruptcy, sees his daughter for the summer ( he is now in England and she is in Canada, she was AD but got out to follow her "dream"...)
I am going to back off for now as I find myself getting emotional...only you know what you want. I am praying you get SMSgt but want you to think about next year also...the Bronze Star will really help you (unless you are EOD - all of them have one and rightfully so) with next years board and for Chief later. I do not think that your marriage is over and nothing you have posted is that unusual even if you think that it is.
You should (must) decide what you want out of your life...if it is to get out and get a GS-7-9 job and stay where you are now that is ok. I can tell you those jobs have been here since 1947 and will be after you retire with E8/E9 pay. Nothing is more important than your daughter...sounds like you put your foot down which is good. Do not let her get in the middle of this and confront your wife (be kind) if she involves her. Talk to Mental Health for advice. Get your evidence gathered, try to get ahead on all bills (I guarantee you that being broke will destroy your life, your wife, and you daughter)...do what it takes but 3-6 months ahead with enough savings to survive 3-6 months will give you time to work your issues. Do not get mad and retire. Do not give up your ability to support yourself and your daughter. Do not slide into the "drunk" mode. Try to make yourself go to church (maybe not on base, too much expectation of professional behaviour and all that, church should be fun for you and your family to include your wife, I strongly encourage you go this Sunday if for no other reason to make your wife think of her actions, and she will, and you do not need to say anything to her, only your daughter...encourage her but do not make her, if possible let her pick a church) anyways...you are doing great...time to back off a little with your wife...tell her your dream would be to have a happy marriage, dream retirement, house, grandkids, vacations, and rocking on the porch and the constant yo-you is destroying you and for the well-being of your daughter you just want to focus on your parent skills for now. Sorry if I in anyway offended you...not my intent. Thanks for your service...Aim High and all that! *chuckle, chuckle!
