Stress, WAW and life in general III

[AJM]

K, thank you SO much for that. It's inspiring.

I think on my end, it is a controlled separation. That's my W though - control, control, control.

I'm going the other direction I guess. I think she's worth keeping and so I'm going with it. Adapt. Overcome. Adapt. Rinse. Repeat.

UPDATE:
W wanted to talk again tonight. She called me during the day asking about some computer stuff. I do that for a living, so I'm happy to help, but she didn't want to take the help "too" much. I gave some ideas and offered to help if she wanted me to. She didn't - wants to be independent. <shrug> Ok.

During tonight's conversation she wanted to cover some past things. I told her I won't spend too much energy to confront the past. There will be things I won't know. I told her I want to put my efforts into the future. She told me that she wants to be "that couple" that is so in love they hold hands all over the place, kiss in public and do those lovey dovey things. For her, it's all or nothing. I agreed. It's all or nothing for me as well. I realize we used to have that for about 16 years. I told her I realize now that we had some intimacy issues. I didn't feel I could tell her anything. I had to guard my conversation because she would try to fix it, or would react in a negative way. I told her I needed that kind of openness in a relationship. I missed it. She told me I smothered her. That she felt I should have other friends. I told her that I reacted incorrectly to her pulling away.
Water under the bridge. Going forward is what counts now. She said she wants me to get to know the woman she is becomming. Hmm... MLC? She said she wants to look in the mirror and like the person she has become. I agreed and said that until she can like the person she has become, I really can't either. So separating will hopefully give her time to work on that. Figure it out. I told her the hardest part is that there are no time limits but that we both have to work on it to regain that level of love. She agreed that it would take that. Hmm...

She's changing, but still moving out. I think she is worried she'll be so overwhelmed by school that she won't be able to put the time into "us" if she's coming home all the time.

I have to look at my goals for a second. My goals were to get her to heal, to spend more quality time with the kids and to reconnect with me.

She's working on healing. Making pretty good progress. She's spending more quality time with the kids and plans to do that more as time goes on. She's fishing for what will make us work. Putting a lot of time into that. That's positive because to me it means she wants to know what would make "us" work even if she's not willing to do it, at least she knows what it would take.

Time. Patience. Perhaps a visit to the dead beaver club? (that was a joke).

AJ