Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

OK, So no input?
Here's an update for what its worth. H got here earlier than usual this morning so I wasn't able to get the kids out the door before he arrived(per my plan). I asked how his weekend was and he said " Not good". I asked if he wanted to share and he said "Not right now, maybe later.." So I left with the girls and wished him a nice morning-all very upbeat and detached.. At lunch I did come home and H and I had lunch. I made my own and sat down to eat, H came in and joined me(so I didn't do my usual and ask what he would like and fix it for him).

The weather was nice so I asked him if he'd like to go for a walk(as his C suggested he do every day)-he did so we walked around the neighborhood. H shared his feelings about life(the world is falling on him, everything he owns is falling apart)and work. Basically vented. I validated and just listened. H said he went cycling on his own (NO OW!!) yesterday in the mountains. He felt contemplative this weekend and wanted to be alone. He said he was crying more lately and especially last night when he texted D13. He felt he was going backwards emotionally and his antidepressants weren't working. At one point I held H's hand and he held it firmly for awhile...

Since I didn't know what else to do given this situation, I supported H by listening and validating. I remained emotionally detached-my only physical move was the holding hands briefly.
I didn't offer advice or suggestions-no mothering (except holding hands? would that be mothering?)

H had dinner with me and the girls tonight then took D13 to the highschool for activity info for next year. He came in when dropping D13 back here after it was done and shared the info the had found out. Then he left for his place.

So I hope I did OK as far as DBing within the scope of still befriending H. I feel I'm in gray territory and just not sure how to proceed. Our couples communicaton class is tomorrow night. I'm re-reading DR for refresher.

Any ideas or suggestions would be very, very welcome!