Ali, I've got a couple around the street from me that had similar issues. They told me it took 2 years for her to talk about the details of the affair. Sometimes, things still come up about it that they talk about, but they no longer freak out about it. It has actually served to bring them closer (I'm not saying it would be a good idea to have an affair as a way to bring your marriage closer ) but I think what's really a problem for K is that she may not be willing to feel the pain any longer. With her husband not giving her what she would like to see (could he ever do enough) she withdrawls. She is in pain.
K? The question is whether or not you are able to give it one last try? If you are able to talk to H with enough truth and intimacy to give yourselves a chance or not? Are you able to stick with him? Are you able to put your anger and unhappiness aside - both of you - and give it another shot?
I hope you can answer those questions sooner rather than later. I don't think you're dependent on your H for your feelings or well-being. This is about whether or not you can resurrect anything in your marriage or not.
I think your D wants you to. That's what she was trying to tell you when she invited him. That may not be enough though. :|
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hi all, nothing new to report. H spent some time with the kids yesterday while I was at work. We had a couple of phonecalls to arrange the schedule and that was it.
During the weekend, I finished 2 of my paintings and have another order already. I am experimenting with new techniques and it makes me happy. Also, my beading project will start soon and I am pretty excited about that one also.
Lisa, thanks for the info. What is described in your post, could very well be the case with my H but as AJM said, (you are right) I need to answer the above questions, one of these days... Take care all, K
My back is killing me. That's the only thing that REALLY bothers me right now. I cant have sex damn it!!! (LOL )
Hey K.. I thought it was interesting you keep saying about your bad back as I have one too !!! First we both had anemia and now bad backs. Its really bad, I stop half way up when I go to stand and this morning I could barely get out of bed its so stiff and hurts so much. Mine was always ever lower back the past few years but lately it hurts so bad in the middle and above and that feels worse somehow. Where does yours hurt?
I looked it up on the Louise Hay book - You Can Heal your Life. Heard of her? She explains how (ancient Chinese medicine theories I guess) our physical symptoms and aches and pains are a manifestation of internal/emotional problems. So.. guess what she says is the thought pattern that is the cause for backs?
Upper - Lack of emotional support. Feeling unloved. Holding back love
Middle - Guilt. Stuck in all that "stuff" back there. 'Get off my back'
Lower - Fear of money. Lack of financial support.
Cure? This is the antidote, a new thought pattern...
Upper - I love and approve of myself. Life supports and loves me.
Middle - I release the past, I am free to move forward with love in my heart
Lower - I trust the process of life. All I need is always taken care of. I am safe.
interesting hey ! I cant have sex.. mainly as I have NOONE TO HAVE IT WITH !! xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Maria...buttock pain is... loss of power. Remedy "I am strong, I feel safe. All is well"...
god not sure these positive affirmations work! Best thing ever for my bad back was acupuncture... 2 sessions and I was cured until the bomb and my back got worse again over time.
Scarcity mentality is a state of seeing everything in your life as limited and scarce. It makes you hang onto a bad relationship, bad job, etc., because a bad one is better than none at all, where an abundance mentality is a state of seeing everything as a journey to better and better things, knowing that you can create your opportunities and do what is necessary to reach your goals.
Take two people, one with a scarcity mentality and one with an abundance mentality, and give them ten thousand dollars. The one with scarcity mentality will live in fear of losing his money, and will most likely spend it on things that bring him no real value rather than risk losing it, or will never spend it and enjoy it because he's too busy keeping his options open to ever exercise one of them.
However, the one with the abundance mentality will see the opportunities that cash presents, and use it to make even more money, and will reach financial independence if he is diligent in the conduct of his business, or if someone manages to steal it from him or his market takes an unexpected turn against him, he will say, "Wow! Now I know how to do this right, and can protect myself from it next time. I'm going to raise capital and try it again!"
A lesser man might make it that far, but when faced with failure, have scarcity sneak in on him and cause him to decide, "Well, I'm just not cut out for this, and any business I start is going to fail, so I'm just going to not bother trying again."
That same thing happens in relationships. People take responsibility, have a great relationship for a while, things go sour for some unexpected reason, and in a fit of emotional weakness, they say, "Well, I had the wool pulled over my eyes, and relationships aren't worth it after all," instead of just acknowledging the reality that either they made a mistake or their partner did, or maybe even both of them, and sitting down to discuss it and making repairs to the relationship or exiting to find a better one.
Personal responsibility coincides with abundance mentality, and a lack of personal responsibility coincides with scarcity mentality. It's consistent, but is there a single cause-and-effect relationship, or does the door swing both ways, meaning, will taking personal responsibility induce an abundance mentality and will an abundance mentality also induce personal responsibility?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
) but I think what's really a problem for K is that she may not be willing to feel the pain any longer. With her husband not giving her what she would like to see (could he ever do enough) she withdrawls. She is in pain. 
)