D1 was doing well this morning. She was playing in the nursery with two other babies, and she was walking around putting random toys in her mouth.
Right now part of me is practically anxious in a desire to contact W expressing a desire for counseling, etc. so that we can hash out our differences. Of course... I've made every opportunity, gesture, etc. thus far and have been rejected on all of them.
So why do I feel a need to continue doing things that won't work? Seems like the only thing that gets traction is the legal issue. I love her. I hate her. I want to help her. I want to let her fall. I'm just a flurry of emotions today. So given that the most rational thing to do is - nothing.
I'll just avoid taking any sort of actions until post Psych Eval hearing.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
I went back and looked at the letter you sent your wife. You said it all there. She has a copy of it and can look at it whenever she wants if she wants a chance to come back to the marriage she has a path.
When you interact during your baby's exchanging, perhaps a warm loving look would reinforce what you said in the letter.
Have you seen the movie, Fireproof? Might be inspirational for you....main theme is to continue loving your spouse even when they don't love you back and when you are angry. What she chooses, will be what she chooses, but that doesn't mean you have to stop fighting. Check out youtube to get a glimpse. It is a religious movie as well.
So given that the most rational thing to do is - nothing.
As I read your post, DC, I was about to say this, LOL. I find that when I'm the least clear, and the most confused, that the best course of action is to DO NO HARM -- do nothing.
You will have other days when you feel more clarity. Best to do any decision-making on those days.
I completely agree with Pup, and so admire you guys. I want to be like you and Pup when I grow up. I swear I have made way too many hasty decisions/calls/texts and so many regrets later on. Follow your instint.
I can tell you the reason behind my emotions today is probably because it was one year ago today when I welcomed my daughter into the world. I stood by W throughout the process... helped the nurse hold her legs so she could push... cut the umbilical cord... and held her close in my arms that night.
Now I look and I question how we got to this point. Too much has happened, but it seems as though W and her family thrive on the chaos. I'm just sort of numb by now... we've been through a birth, a funeral, an affair, and now the divorce process.
On the one hand I've stood trying to pull everyone closer together as a reaction to the tragedy of her father's death... on the other W has been destroying the goodwill between her family and myself and tearing the bonds asunder.
I haven't cried throughout this entire process... I think I'm hurt beyond tears at what has transpired in our lives.
Then I remind myself of D1, and I'm reassured that what I'm doing is the right thing. It is a lonely road, thankless, and ultimately the pain of the experience will leave many bridges burned in the wake of W's affair. True love doesn't destroy families... but I'm the last person she is going to listen to, and probably the only person that would be giving her reasonable advice.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Ah, yes..."thriving on the chaos". Yet another milepost along Crazy-@ss BPD Boulevard.
The only way a Borderline feels any sense of calm is when they are right in the middle of a sh!t storm. And if there isn't one, they will make sure to create one.
Ah, yes..."thriving on the chaos". Yet another milepost along Crazy-@ss BPD Boulevard.
The only way a Borderline feels any sense of calm is when they are right in the middle of a sh!t storm. And if there isn't one, they will make sure to create one.
Yeah I'm gradually becoming quite acquainted with the disorder...
Her mom has either got it or she is hopelessly attuned to it at this point. It seems as if the in-laws became more crazy and I became more sane after I got W to move back in over there. From everything I read in her journal and my early experience with them - their life was hell dealing with her. After she started dating me, she stabilized for the most part, and so did their family. Now it seems like the chaos has come back, as I've crossed into the split-black stage.
Mutual friends aren't immune. She has been cutting contact with anyone who doesn't toe the line.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Walked past W this morning. I made it a point to smile and say "Good morning." and she just didn't break her pace and half-smiled and said "Hey."
D1 was doing okay, she was happy to see me, but she seemed extremely tired. I picked her up and gave the daycare worker some goody bags my aunt had put together for her birthday. Things like little cookies, a rubber duck, and a spoon for each of the children.
D1 just sort of lay on the floor and cried a little bit because she was tired. I held her for a bit and she put her head on my shoulder.
Now that we are past D1's birthday, I'm starting to wonder if things will start to change now, especially for the upcoming psych eval hearing. Her attorney has got to know that I can't be making this stuff up because I put too many details, dates, times, etc. in my affidavit.
And I focus on the BPD stuff, and I'd be surprised if she doesn't have it. Read this morning:
Quote:
Borderlines wreak so much chaos, drama, havoc, and often abuse, in relationships. When they try to relate to someone intimately the stress creates the rise of a myriad of false self defenses that push others away. Most with BPD have not learned how to regulate or modulate what are dysregulated emotions associated with the flux of distance and closeness that is part of healthier relationships.
-snip-
Often this propels borderline rage which is at the heart of the borderline need to punish and seek revenge or to wish to annihilate the significant other in his or her life, as a means of defending against the loss of self through other.
-snip-
Intimacy with most people who have Borderline Personality Disorder (until and unless they have significant successful therapeutic intervention) is not possible in healthy adult mutual and reciprocal ways.
So the percentage chance that I'll have any sort of meaningful relationship with W is remote if she has this. She will need to seek therapy on her own - for herself. And she isn't going to do that without being faced with more loss.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
I swear I have made way too many hasty decisions/calls/texts and so many regrets later on. Follow your instint.