From an amatuer DB'er - I think you hit a home run. All I can say is WOW. If this did not make your DH stop and think about what he is doing - I don't know what will. I believe you have planted several mustard seeds that will grow inside him. He at least gets now how much you love him - that I think it very important.
Atrologically, its Pluto square Venus.. unhealthy obsessions and power struggles. I still believe the only way to win someone back is to REALLY let them go, respect their decision and let them feel the full force of it. Becuase then they really get to face up to what they have lost hey ! Takes a while (tis taken 18 months for my ex to realise what he is missing and he's STILL not back). Also, I am yet to see a sitch on these boards restored through the power of prayer alone (SGCTOX, how about you?)
What happened with the rest of the convo anyway?? It was pretty full-on !! Is that a breakthrough for you two, have you not had R talks like that before?
xxx
Ali--
The rest of the convo is here now. This was a huge conversation. We have not discussed our R at all since the bomb. Even our brief stint at MC did more rehashing than focusing on current and moving forward.
I have pretty much let go. I am prepared to move on without him on our lives, but I will not ignore my marriage vows.
I don't understand the astrology thing you posted about, but I do not think we were having a power struggle. It could have been, especially if I had reacted the way he expected me to. In the past, in a deep convo like that, I would have become emotional, crying, yelling, doing whatever it took to gt his attention. Instead, I stayed very calm, looked him in the eyes, did not use defensive body language, spoke in a low, even tone and never raised my voice, an although my eyes filled with tears, I never cried.
I know you are not religious, but understand this--when a person is willing to fully turn their own life over to Gods, it will affect all who are in association with them. the changes that it makes in a person--mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically--are patently clear to see.
I met with my pastor about 30 minutes after this convo with DH and pastor was amazed at my calm and strength, despite what he knew had to have been a very emotional encounter with DH. He sad that watching me grow in Christ has been a blessing for him as a pastor, as he clearly sees the love of the Lord shining through me. Others have also told me the same thing. I just know that I am happy, at peace with my life, and content to wait upon the favor of the Lord while living my life according to His will.
Living God's blessigns with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I still believe the only way to win someone back is to REALLY let them go, respect their decision and let them feel the full force of it. xxx
We keep hearing this over and over on this board. It may be said using different wording...but the message is the same.
That's cause it is, in a way, true. You have to let go of your preconceived notions and dead mindsets in order to truly see where your life needs to move forward.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
From an amatuer DB'er - I think you hit a home run. All I can say is WOW. If this did not make your DH stop and think about what he is doing - I don't know what will. I believe you have planted several mustard seeds that will grow inside him. He at least gets now how much you love him - that I think it very important.
Gee - can you talk to my W??? :-)
S4H
I think so, too. He came over to pck up D17 to go get her ID card today. I have spaghetti sauce cooking on the stove and he said it smelt good. I asked was he joining us for dinner. He kind of stuttered around, like he wanted to say yes. I said, I am only asking so I know how much pasta I need to cook. He said, Oh, in that case, Yeah, that would be nice, thank you. I told him that when he got back with D17, I needed to run to the store to get Italian bread and some salad mix. Lets see if he took the bait and brings it home.
Oh, and I would love to talk to your wife--I do not have to be nice to her!!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I think the roller coaster is going to get really interesting--for him. I am just going to stand at the gate and smile and wave.
He seriously is so confused by me that he does not know what to do right now. My sister noticed it last night, at D6's birthday party, and she has no idea about last weeks conversation.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Not only a "home run," but a deep, 3-run shot outta the park.
Seriously -- A+. Now it's imperative that you DO NOTHING -- leave the ball in HIS court.
The second imperative is that if and when he comes to you asking you to take him back, that you know what your "dealbreakers" are, and you're prepared to go for 100% of them, and nothing less.
You didn't come this far to waffle now. Your strength is obviously God-given . . . keep leaning hard into Him.
He seriously is so confused by me that he does not know what to do right now. My sister noticed it last night, at D6's birthday party, and she has no idea about last weeks conversation.
Hi SMW (by the way, love the change to your screen name - a nice way to validate yourself there!)
When the WAS first heads out the door, it's pretty typical that they think they have all the answers - or, at least, a lot more answers than the LBS they are leaving behind. Unfortunately, many of those answers are founded on pure MLC BALONEY.
When the LBS puts themselves on the right path, DB's and GAL's and learns to be happy without their pathetic mess of a spouse - well, they can end up being the one who really knows what's what. You're absolutely right - that confuses the heck out of them! This is the point where you get to just put on your wise, I-know-something-you-don't-know, Yoda-like smile, and keep doing what you are doing. Good for you!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
