Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

I agree - if something doesnt work you need to do something else. I just meant not to toss validation out of the window, just try a new approach to validation.

I shared my experience with my H to show you how a small shift in words can make a huge difference. It was merely an example and not related to your situation.

I cant say the right way to validate her because I am not in your situation. You may have to try many approaches before you find one that is productive. I just meant as a whole, validation is important so dont give up on it totally.

She might be testing you in a way to see if you really will practice validation for the long haul. That is why I suggest not to give up on it, just tinker it so its a tool that will be helpful instead of harmful.

Doing something else sounds appropriate here! I understood that you were suggesting a new approach to validation! I don't want to stop validating.

And I appreciate it...I need and appreciate all the help I can get.

I agree. 'Stop doing what doesn't work, and start doing what does'...maybe trial and error until one is found that works. I won't give up on validation.

Maybe...she's usually pretty pissed though! I'll continue, when conversations do take place...I'll just do it differently. I want it to be helpful and not harmful.
Things don't look or feel good right now.