Thanks, naej. Yes, I get to keep the house. Actually that was never an issue, which is a good thing. Working with the mortgage company on a "loan modification"--which makes me a tad nervous until it comes through and I see what it is.
Yes, I am glad that X still wants D13 in his life. I don't know if it will always be that way, but he seems ultimately to understand that she needs to be a priority for him and at least put forth that impression to her.
I was concerned--and disgusted--when he began mediation with the question, "How long do I have to keep paying child support?" There were a couple of other overtly self-serving questions in the beginning as well, but I think his atty got him to shut up. The good thing was, it seemed to have touched a nerve for my atty. He had, to a certain extent, played devil's advocate in our meetings. However, he began individual negotiations (when we went to separate rooms from X and his atty) by telling me he now understood X's "type"--"selfish, selfish, selfish." And later mentioning that X may have gotten what he wanted in dumping me for OW without apparent repercussions from family, church and friends--but by God, it was going to cost him. And from there on out, he was as rigid as could be with expectations, and it worked to my benefit.
So that's the rest of the story, I guess. Acceptance--yes. Finally. There were definitely times I doubted I could get here. I think I've visited it a few times since the first of the year--but I believe it's where I'll dwell.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
H, I'm very sorry that your marriage ended. You fought a good battle and God knows it. I'm happy that the pressure is now off and you can begin focusing on you and your daughter. The heavy burden of stress has lifted and the nesting you are speaking of comes naturally when you are free to breathe once again. You'll have peaks and valleys for a long time, but they become less and less painful as time moves along.
You sound like you are doing well and yes, mowing can be fun, but more relaxing and in the sense that you are out in the fresh air, listening to the birds and just enjoying Mother Nature.
I'm very proud of you and your daughter. It's been a long and hard road for you both.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
my prayers are with you and your daughter.May God's favor open a door for you to get a better paying job......Be blessed in Jesus name...I am so sorry it has come to this with you and your husband...I am sure my papers are coming soon...everytime the doorbell rings after 6.....I think it is the constable's office coming to serve them to me...
Do you have a F/B account? I know you did all you could, be proud of yourself.... Your daughter is blessed to have you....It is his loss... thinking of you and as I lift you up in prayer right now....I ask that the lord will cover you and your daughter in his blood ...that a hedge of protection will be around you at all times.....YOU MADE IT......that must be a very good feeling....GOD BLESS YOU..
H, I'm very sorry that your marriage ended. You fought a good battle and God knows it. I'm happy that the pressure is now off and you can begin focusing on you and your daughter. The heavy burden of stress has lifted and the nesting you are speaking of comes naturally when you are free to breathe once again. You'll have peaks and valleys for a long time, but they become less and less painful as time moves along.
You sound like you are doing well and yes, mowing can be fun, but more relaxing and in the sense that you are out in the fresh air, listening to the birds and just enjoying Mother Nature.
I'm very proud of you and your daughter. It's been a long and hard road for you both.
Thank you, Snodderly. Yes, I definitely feel like I can breathe again. And the nice thing is, I'm not doing it too loudly, with humming, with snoring, or just generally wrong. Only recently have I realized I have been holding my breath unnecessarily--no one is going to criticize me for breathing wrong, eating too loudly, sitting down too loudly. And that feels really, really good.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
my prayers are with you and your daughter.May God's favor open a door for you to get a better paying job......Be blessed in Jesus name...I am so sorry it has come to this with you and your husband...I am sure my papers are coming soon...everytime the doorbell rings after 6.....I think it is the constable's office coming to serve them to me...
Do you have a F/B account? I know you did all you could, be proud of yourself.... Your daughter is blessed to have you....It is his loss... thinking of you and as I lift you up in prayer right now....I ask that the lord will cover you and your daughter in his blood ...that a hedge of protection will be around you at all times.....YOU MADE IT......that must be a very good feeling....GOD BLESS YOU..
Thank you for your prayers. Yes, I'm on fb; don't think I can be much more specific here, tho.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I had been wondering what had happened to you-- you sound really good under the circumstances. I know its not politically correct DB to say you're better off without the bum, but... while all MLCers are self-absorbed jerks during their crises, from what you say yours has always been that way. If he has Narcissitic Personality Disorder, he will never be a good husband (to ANYONE-- methinks Witchy Woman is in for an unpleasant surprise). The "how long will I have to pay CS?" comment was very telling.
I too have finally forgiven my H, and its a beautiful thing. I still have sad days, but most are good now. I am optimistic about the future again. You got there a lot quicker than I did.
I had been wondering what had happened to you-- you sound really good under the circumstances. I know its not politically correct DB to say you're better off without the bum, but... while all MLCers are self-absorbed jerks during their crises, from what you say yours has always been that way. If he has Narcissitic Personality Disorder, he will never be a good husband (to ANYONE-- methinks Witchy Woman is in for an unpleasant surprise). The "how long will I have to pay CS?" comment was very telling.
I too have finally forgiven my H, and its a beautiful thing. I still have sad days, but most are good now. I am optimistic about the future again. You got there a lot quicker than I did.
I only got here thru the grace of God. And I'm beginning to feel optimistic again--I have that sense of being able to accomplish almost anything that I used to have.
As for Witchy Woman being surprised--I certainly hope so!! I have a feeling she's very much the person in control of their relationship, since she was 20+ years ago.
I am toying with the idea of writing letters to my in-laws. Just for my own closure. For one thing, to let them know what really happened, for another--to say that I was happy to be part of their family, that losing the family is very difficult for me, and to ask that they always include D13 in their activities because I won't stand in the way. I've been writing this in my head for quite some time, thought it best to wait until things were final. I doubt they'll respond, but that's not my purpose anyway!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hi HM! You sound so calm, and at peace. I am glad you have found that, and the grace to forgive your XH. He may not have reaped what he has sown in his hypocrisy and abandonment, YET, but time will tell. You did your best, and you can hold your head up high.
Go HM and D13!!!!! Woohoo!!!!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hoosier at the very least write the letter to get it out of your head and feel good about writting it. Once it is out...then decide whether to send it or burn it.
You do sound amazingly good. : ) So good for you. A success story.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
