It's just that, the validation I've been giving her is pissing her off! When I say 'I can understand how you would feel that way', she would respond with "you have no idea how I can feel this way"! She says that my responses are "nauseating and disgusting"! They are rather different from what the old me would have said! I'm kinda up a stump with this?
Not to beat a horse to death here, but my reasons for saying what I did was b/c you said you "had" been doing what you said in the above quote. Michelle says that if is doesn't work......stop doing it and try something else. Therefore, I do not think I would say, "I'm sorry" but would just say, "It't too bad you feel that way" and leave the "sorry" out of it. Now if that sounds too cold or uncaring, or if that statement would produce a worse response than before, then I'd suggest you say nothing and maybe only nod your head and just let her talk. If a person is going to slam dunk you everytime you try your best to validate them, I for one am a firm believer in stopping it. If she "wants" it, she has a very poor way, and very poor manners in responding to what you are trying to do. As you said, the old you would not have tried, so unless she feels that it is too little too late.......and even with that thinking, you can't win. So, IMHO, hold your head up and keep your dignity. Don't say you are sorry b/c I think she is seeing you in a negative light when you do that. She needs to respect you and if trying to show compassion by saying that you understand why she feels like she does......and that only ends with a greater degree of anger.....then don't go that route. I think I know where City Girl is coming from b/c that is the first thing we usually say in DBing, but you have been at this for a while and it ain't working. So, do another type of 180 and see what happens.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
