Everytime I want to approach her or initiate some sort of physical contact I question if she wants me to do it.
You won't know unless you try. Why do you continue to try to read her mind? You're overthinking this. You try, you get shot down, then you talk about it in MC. Right now by avoiding your MC homework, you won't move forward - you're allowing this situation to stay stuck.
Your MC is being clear, your W is saying she wants to work on things and do the homework - then do it. Seems she's going to MC for an hour or so, then everything goes back to 'normal'. So how is this healthy?
Maybe I'm off the mark, but I feel you're still tiptoeing around. Not that you need to be brutal about this but it's going to get a little more uncomfortable before it gets better - you both are crossing some sensitive bridges.
Everytime I want to approach her or initiate some sort of physical contact I question if she wants me to do it.
You won't know unless you try. Why do you continue to try to read her mind? You're overthinking this. You try, you get shot down, then you talk about it in MC. Right now by avoiding your MC homework, you won't move forward - you're allowing this situation to stay stuck.
Your MC is being clear, your W is saying she wants to work on things and do the homework - then do it. Seems she's going to MC for an hour or so, then everything goes back to 'normal'. So how is this healthy?
Maybe I'm off the mark, but I feel you're still tiptoeing around. Not that you need to be brutal about this but it's going to get a little more uncomfortable before it gets better - you both are crossing some sensitive bridges.
WT
Keep beating me and maybe I will listen.
I tell myself on the way home that I am just going to do it, then I get there and I don't. I need to just stop all this overthinking and wondering and just step up to the plate and be a man about it. The worst that can happen is she pushes me away and how is that any different than where we are now, right.
I'm gonna be honest Tim...straight up and to the point.first off what ever I tried..I'd make damn sure you keep your emotions out of it..I've seen too many here get some and get all emotionally tied up in the actions/intimacy/ML and think that things are all better when the WAW does not feel the same way...I'd make it just about the act/or play/or something..I guess I'm saying don't get all GAaa ga....I'm with WT..hell you might get slapped...but I would get myself worked up on the way home one day when I knew the kids were not a factor...and I'd attempt something and she would know that I was worked up and she would either participate or not...but I would not let it effect me one way or the other...in other words..treat it as homework..like WT says..
and I'm not saying rape her..I'm saying try something...I'm saying make it playful.if she is not into it then talk about it at MC....if your rejected just LET IT GO and continue on as you have been until MC..don't get pissed if she rejects the effort.....cop a feel
I think both of you are scared to death to make a move on each other..I'd try touchy feeley...huggy.wuggy....in the name of MC homework..hell..in the name of science...lol
I tell myself on the way home that I am just going to do it, then I get there and I don't. I need to just stop all this overthinking and wondering and just step up to the plate and be a man about it. The worst that can happen is she pushes me away and how is that any different than where we are now, right.
Are you flirting with your wife? A wink goes a long way...and gives her the chance to flirt back. Which to me is a green light to go a step further. Be playful.
I do agree with Mike, stay a bit detached with this. Otherwise you'll be getting your feelings hurt all over the place. Then we'll really have to slap you around.
I am not looking to do much more than get a hug or kiss out of her. I know anything more than that is not even an option at this point.
We do flirt a little bit. A smile here, a touch there but I am just very tenative about it. I just made sure that while I was away this weekend that I called each day. I also called when I arrived so she knew I got there safely. Normally I did not bother.
On the way down she text me which I did not hear come in so she called to check to see why I had not responded. I told her I was driving and did know know she had sent me one. We talked for a while and then said good by.
When I got there I read her text and then responded to it telling her that I had arrived. So that is an improvment over the last time I went away and there was almost no communication between us.
And as far as emotions not getting into it, like always I do the best that I can but its difficult because being total unemotional is hard for me its not part of who I am. Always working on that though.
Keep swinging Mike and WT a little slap upside the head now and again lets me know I'm still alive.
We do flirt a little bit. A smile here, a touch there but I am just very tenative about it.
Be confident and mysterious. Make her want to know why you have a sly smile on your face.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Right, so have you thought about what you're going to bring up about this homework not getting done? It needs to get sorted now.
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A smile here, a touch there but I am just very tenative about it.
Why? Are you not confident about any contact? Due to her response or lack of? I'm such a hard a$$ that I struggle to sometimes be kind here....maybe she needs to initiate the touching, kissing, homework. Is it possible to discuss this in MC? Sometimes I wonder if she's just not going to dig her heels in and live like this until the kids are grown. (did I say that out loud?)
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And as far as emotions not getting into it, like always I do the best that I can but its difficult because being total unemotional is hard for me its not part of who I am. Always working on that though.
I will fully admit that in my prior post I asked you to do something that I have not done before. Stay in an R and detach. Just thought I'd confess that.
Right, so have you thought about what you're going to bring up about this homework not getting done? It needs to get sorted now.
Quote:
A smile here, a touch there but I am just very tenative about it.
Why? Are you not confident about any contact? Due to her response or lack of? I'm such a hard a$$ that I struggle to sometimes be kind here....maybe she needs to initiate the touching, kissing, homework. Is it possible to discuss this in MC? Sometimes I wonder if she's just not going to dig her heels in and live like this until the kids are grown. (did I say that out loud?)
Quote:
And as far as emotions not getting into it, like always I do the best that I can but its difficult because being total unemotional is hard for me its not part of who I am. Always working on that though.
I will fully admit that in my prior post I asked you to do something that I have not done before. Stay in an R and detach. Just thought I'd confess that.
WT
Yes, I have thought about what I am going to say at MC about our homework not being done. I want to see how the MC handels it first and what my W says and then discuss it from there. But I do know what I want to say.
Is she waiting for the kids to graduate, maybe, that crosses my mind and I have posted it here also but I cannot do anything about that. I need to stay in the here and now and let whatever she may or may not do in the future to her. It's out of my control and if that is what she is planning then she will have to live with it and her choices.
All I know is that I am trying to do the best that I can and that is all I can do.
you guys remind me of the old teenage days...each one wanting to grope each other and neither one knowing where to begin
That is exactly how I feel. Its a should I, should I not kind of thing. The MC said that I should ask her for a hug and that she could either say yes or no. She also said that it is going to take time for it to feel comfortable and that we both need to put in the effort to make it happen.
All in all it was a good session and we had to write down two things that we wanted to say to each other but did not. It could either be something negative or positive. My W went first and she told me how appreciative she was of me for listning and being there for her when she had a melt down at work a couple of weeks ago. She said that it was nice of me to just listen and be there for her.
Her second one was that I dropped my 16 year old daughter off at the dentist without going in and she got a call saying that she needed to be accompanied by an adult and she was not happy with me about it. I was going to defend my actions but the MC said that was how my W felt and I should just listen. Validate I know, I know.
My two were that I wanted to give her a hug when I got home after her melt down at work and comfort her but I did not because I felt it would be unwelcomed. The other one was about her going against a decision I made. I told my son that he was helping me stain the deck as a boy scout good deed and she told him that I should pay him. I did not say anything figuring we would get in a argument in front of him and she would pay him anyways.
But it was all done in a very unemotional way and we both listen to each other. The MC told us to continue with that assigment and to work on the hugging thing. We have three weeks till our next session so we will see how it goes from there.
