Ali, I've got a couple around the street from me that had similar issues. They told me it took 2 years for her to talk about the details of the affair. Sometimes, things still come up about it that they talk about, but they no longer freak out about it. It has actually served to bring them closer (I'm not saying it would be a good idea to have an affair as a way to bring your marriage closer \:\) ) but I think what's really a problem for K is that she may not be willing to feel the pain any longer. With her husband not giving her what she would like to see (could he ever do enough) she withdrawls. She is in pain.

K? The question is whether or not you are able to give it one last try? If you are able to talk to H with enough truth and intimacy to give yourselves a chance or not? Are you able to stick with him? Are you able to put your anger and unhappiness aside - both of you - and give it another shot?

I hope you can answer those questions sooner rather than later. I don't think you're dependent on your H for your feelings or well-being. This is about whether or not you can resurrect anything in your marriage or not.

I think your D wants you to. That's what she was trying to tell you when she invited him. That may not be enough though. :|

AJ

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."