Separated & OW coming into picture

[PositivelyMommy]

Your H saying that he was alone is really a misnomer. He was NOT alone. He can't be alone, that is why he is seeking another relationship. He is looking for something and he thinks he can find it in another R. He cannot, it would only be another distraction from his real problems. That is why an very very good counsellor is essential to true recovery.

Men doesn't like to ask for help because in their culture it means that they are 'failures'. If you can get over that thinking, maybe he will go to a counsellor. You know your H best, think about what kind of language would help him get over this preconception.

He is not 'happy with himself', that much is clear. Don't let him say it to you but you don't need to buy into it. If he was truly 'happy with himself' then you don't look for it outside of marriage with another person whose career that you may or maynot wreck. Your man is confused. He is thinking with his pants, not his logic. Accept it for now. He is looking for an escape from his pain and potential OW makes him feel good right now. That is why you are DB'ing, to make him feel good and not to blow up at him, right?

Well, he is used to your kind of 'high' as any marriage would come down from the excitment of first love so you are at a disadvantage.

What you need to do is to push out the old memories of an unhappy M with new images of you and him happy together. So I would suggest, plan something that is not serious, something fun. Don't know if he would go out with you, can you make up an excuse to have some fun together??

If you push those negative images out of his head, you will have a shot.

Yes, I did what WDID said in regards to confrontation. My H called my bluff, he left me, he went to see a IC (thank goodness) and he still won't come back and continues on A with OW. So now I am waiting for the endorphins to calm down and for him to come out of his fog and stop thinking with his pants. It's a slow hard slog. But who said Marriage was easy? I certainly don't think so, only WAS think so, apparently.