Tomorrow is D-Day

[JMC]

Hey BF45 - is that bears as in Chicago Bears? Would # 45 be Gary Fencick? Ironic about the similarities. I guess BK is bankruptcy - right? Does that affect you as well? Financial issues were a problem for us. She lost her job twice and received a 30% pay cut at another job (mostly economy driven, and once her company got bought out, but she does seem to get down after realizing a job may not go as she wished). She has not worked since losing another job in January '08, and I guess is comfortable living with OM and driving his Cadillac. Evidently she is going to nursing school. I sometimes joke that at least she did not put me in bk or give me an std!

The bomb on the 10-yr anni was not intended by her, nor was it an act of malice. We were having a nightcap at the hotel we were staying and, having realized things were not 'right', I mentioned that we need to work on our marriage, to which she replied 'I want a divorce.' Talk about sobering up! I still remember that very moment, not fondly either.

I am in NC also and we only communicate via email about our daughter's wedding plans. The ex lives with the OM she was cheating on me with. Oddly however, she recently invited me to be her 'friend' on Facebook. I have a separate thread with the details (I do not want to be on there and accidentally opened account to see a friend's site). Like you, I still love my ex, and for whatever reason right now I still would like to be together. I dated a great woman for about 9 months and we are still friends (went on a bike ride yesterday).

Good to see you have a relationship with her daughter. When my ex moved out, I decided to adopt her daughter. Best thing I ever did. I realize it is just a piece of paper, but it means the world to me. She cried with joy when I asked her if it were ok if I adopted her. We usually get together about once a week. In fact she met me and my bike-riding friend for dinner last night after spending the afternoon with her mother looking for houses. I miss doing things as a family and sharing stories about my daughter with my ex.

What do you mean by the 'friends and family' issues? My ex has distanced herself from our mutual friends, and of course total elimination of contact with my family, who regarded her as a daughter/sister - very sad. Yet, she has reached out via Facebook, which my friends find very puzzling.

Like you wrote, there is not a whole lot we can do. I simply pray for her and try and make a better me.