Springing forward...

[AliSuddenly]

Hey bobbi.. I think you may have misunderstood me...

I wasnt suggesting you go back to how you were before, trying to win him back or assume you were heading for reconciliation. I was just suggesting you stop all teh blame/shame/guilt/loaded comments.

I was suggesting you let him go, really let him go.. as in... do the sweetness and light thing WHILST accepting its over, so not with the agenda of getting back together. Really be his FRIEND. Let him have his decision, be ok about it (in your mood/actions), detach and let go, but LOVINGLY detach. Not cool/cold/businesslike...

I;m not explaining myself very well, but, imagine how you would feel about Dan if you were now dating someone else. Would it bother you when he said he has nowhere to stay? Probably not, you might just say, as you would TO A FRIEND.. oh, sorry to hear that, I hope you sort something out... about him texting/not texting, you might notice but it wouldnt be so much of a big deal. This is how I approached my ex (it wasnt how I really felt) but I let him think we were just friends, I didnt react to his non-contact or any of his whining. I didnt react when he told me he was going skiing with Helen.. I was stunned for a moment, then I said.. well that sounds like a fun thing to do at Christmas, I hope you enjoy skiing. (oh my god, yes, I actually wished him a good holiday, withut mentioning her of course).

I really am not explaining myself, but I think its the one thing you havent tried.. and yes, to really let him feel the force of his decision. Dont present to him a hurt, wounded, or devastated person.. act like you get it, its ok, but be his loving friend. Dont take it personally if he does, or doesnt want to join you and the kids there. Act like he is no longer yours and it doesnt hurt you, or make you mad, or let down etc. Like you accept it and you are now building a friendship.

Or maybe you have tried that? My DB coach even said to say that.. I accept your choice, but I hope we can be friends now..Did you ever get a DB coach? Sorry, I dont remember.

I said act like ! Can you do this? Really let him go, but in a loving, forgiving way? No guilt trips? No shaming him for his poor choices?

Just a suggestion ! On the other hand.. with Dan, he has a history of cheating as you have said here yourself... so like Mike and John are alluding, sometimes, is what you are trying to hang onto really worth it? Could you envisage a lifetime of happiness with him AFTER all of this and really be able to trust him again? I dont know the answer to that.

xxx