The comment about not listening to other posters was this....
And granted everyone has their own opinion and each situation is different.
There were 2 schools of advice I received when my Husband would come to visit.
The first was to basically show him that I had moved on and to be detached and business-like. To have someone else pick him up at the airport, for him to stay in a hotel, and for him to make arrangements to see the children outside of the Marital home.
The second was to be loving and kind. To look my best when I picked him up. To have the house in order and make him feel welcome in his own home. To cook his favorite meals and to basically leave him with wonderful memories of home for when he returned to his MLC-life, 3000 miles away.
I chose the latter, which was the harder of the two.
It was NOT easy having him come home for a few days and pretending that everything was hunky dorey. In fact the day after he left our home and I again was left alone would throw me into a major tailspin.
But I also learned to fake it til you make it and eventually I made the changes that my Husband needed to see in order for him to rethink his choices.
As we lived so far away from one another, he wasn't able to see me on a daily basis. My contact with him was on the phone. This meant that I had to literally put on a happy face, watch the tone of my voice and force myself to NOT tell him about the stuff that was going on in my life that was stressful.
I stopped complaining to him about my financial woes, and would make payment arrangements with Creditors and my Utility companies. I rented out my MIL's apartment and I applied for food stamps and didn't tell him about it as he would have deducted that money from the money he gave me. I learned how to be resourceful and how to keep my mouth shut.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
