It truly does seem like I am married to an Alien at times, I can't escape the wrongs that I have done in the past 15 years together, but still I am perplexed at where this is all going..
She seems to have in her mind, some kind of single utopia that she is headed for , she keeps saying things over the weekend, and the past few months, about how she's going to take up windsurfing lessons this summer, and rock climbing, and music and dance and become a greater spiritual person, and free spirit with no boundaries.
Some of this doesn't even seem based in reality to me, how is she going to do all this with three kids, a dog, 2 divorces behind her after we split up? Am I supposed to just shuffle out the door and her life, and then just bust my butt to pay and hand over my hard work so she can do all this?
Sorry to vent like this, I know it's probably not healthy, but my D is going to pay the worst out of this, and I just don't want that to happen. I know I can find another love, or date in the future, and I will be fine, as I am already a changing man, but there is NOTHING that will replace the father/mother relationship that will be broken by all this, and I would do nearly anything to prevent it..
Well, I need to turn my thinking around now today, after dumping all that down....
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
