I am very sorry to hear that markhaving. It's kind of weird how our biggest faults like patience is challenged through things like this. I guess one way to look at it is on the other side of this, I'll be better at having patience, or understanding that there are problems out there I can't solve!
Good point about keeping focus on the kids. That's motivation to do the right thing.
It's gnawing on me today that I want to e-mail the OP and let him know I know what happened. Kindly "thank him" if you will. Trying to kick that thought, because I don't think it's helpful in the situation. So maybe typing it out to you all will help me settle down with that a little!
Have you let the OM's wife know what happened yet? She deserves to know as much as much as you. She also may have the ability to find out more information.
No, neither one of them know. And while I believe they should, I don't feel it is productive to our situation. I also believe my wife should be the one to suck it up and tell him, or both of them. If I did say something it would honestly be out of spite and wanting him to feel the pain I have. They have their own marriage problems obviously, and I believe it will come to light in due time. He will get caught at some point doing something. Won't he? The lines he was using....he was a pro, and this was not his first time. That much was pretty obvious to me.
Ok wow... weird night last night. Pretty normal evening, just trading pleasantries and such. She sat down and watched a movie (The Notebook), and I went into the other room and called my sis, and we talked for a few hours.
After the movie was finished and I was off the phone, she sat down in the office next to me, and started crying and said that she was so sorry that we are here. I told her I was sorry too. We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I said that we do have a unique opportunity to make it better than it was, and that I believe we can do it together. She nodded her head. This was really the first sign of something positive out of this situation within the last few days.
We then got up to head to bed. I said hold on a sec, come here, to which she paused. I gave her hug, to which from her side was very light, like she really did not want to. She quickly let go and walked away.
Once in bed, I said I'm sorry, I thought you needed a hug, and I know I could use one. She said I did not have to apologize. I said good night and I love you. Her response was goodnight, very snappy, almost short and annoyed.
Arrrg. I can't keep up with the emotion swings sometimes. Feels like I am always one step behind right now, and end up doing or saying the wrong thing, adding frustration to the situation instead of helping.
I've been reading your posts. Hang in there. Let her come to you.
Ugh, the Notebook is about choosing between her fiance and her "long lost love". She chooses her long lost love and the movie ends with them dying together in a nursing home. I'm sure this got her emotions going. She's wondering if she really loves you, and she is probably relating to how the character felt when she had to leave the fiance to go to her love. It's all bologney. If you want to get a good movie, get Fireproof, and watch it together.
This is all raw for both of you. How long has it been that she has not contacted the OM?
As far as I know, approx 2 weeks. I know at least for sure there have been no e-mails between them. There is the potential to run into each other at school when dropping the kids off. So I don't know if anything has been said between them in that circumstance.
It's tough when there is the potential to run into the OM. I was the one who had the affair in my marriage, and I have this issue as well. It's painful to think that I could run into this man anytime. The beginning was the worst. It's been a year and now it is better. You have a long road, but I can tell you that it is worth it in the end.
Thanks for a little perspective on the other side. I have not heard of Retrouvaille, but looked it up. Interesting...and I'll have to read more. Thanks!
About the hug, I think that might have been causing her to feel pressured or maybe she thought you wanted more than just a hug? I think that's why they say you shouldn't say ILY, b/c even something like that causes pressure. I've heard really good things about Retroville (sp?) too if you can do it and both of your are willing to work on your R and make changes. Karen
