I called the W today. She said that she was going to call today to continue the discussion, but she hadn't by noon, so I called her. She was at home, making some pudding before going to bed. We made small talk for a while and then I asked her if she wanted to tell me anything. She said no, so I said, OK, what about our conversation from the yesterday? She said there wasn't anything in particular she wanted to talk about. I asked her if she knew that I was going to file on Monday. She said she knew. I asked her what she thought about that. She said she didn't know. I asked her if this was what she wanted. She said she didn't want it. I asked her what she wanted. She didn't know.
I said that she had three choices: stay there and we divorce and she won't see the kids, or be in their lives, come home and divorce and she can split time with the kids and I will be on the hook for spousal support and child support, or come home and reconcile and spend all the time with the kids while we put this marriage back on the rails. She said she was worried about not having a car when she came back. I told her that a car is just a car; we can always get another car. It might not be as nice and fancy as her expedition, but it will get her around.
I then told her that if she came home, we might still divorce anyway. Probably a step backward, I realized after the fact. She questioned the reason in coming back if we were just going to divorce anyway. I told her that a divorce was not what I wanted, and that her coming home didn't presuppose a divorce, but that this was primarily for the kids, first, and then for us. She seemed receptive to the idea. She then said it was getting late (almost 10pm there) and she does go to bed early usually. I asked her when she could tell me what her decision was, and that I wasn't going to give her an open schedule. She said she would call me tomorrow morning.
I hung up with her and my S17 yelled to me to come downstairs. I came down and he said, Mom told me last night why she isn't coming home. I said, really? I just got off the phone and she didn't mention one word about being unable to come home. He told me that she had gotten her German Citizenship back and was no longer a US citizen, and as such she couldn't leave the country! I was initially very skeptical about this because when she had looked into this before she found (or at least told me that she found) that it would take 4 years of living in country, and show income before she could get her citizenship reinstated. Of course, that is what she told me, and given her track record for lying and distorting what she has been up to, it certainly is a possibility that she has done something like this. Even if she was now a German citizen, she could still come here under an immigrant visa and get a green card again, so half of me wants to think she was just making up an excuse to tell me S17 why she wasn't coming back. It is definitely something I am going to bring up with her in the AM.
Roller-coaster. She wants to come back; is apprehensive about the changes; doesn't want to live here; might be a German citizen again. It just doesn't end, does it?
Stuck: I hear ya man. I know that this takes time: time that she is running out of. She is still ailing, has no money or income, seems genuinely sad, depressed, and pines for her kids, but there is still something major holding her back from jumping on a plane and coming home. I don't think she has been 100% honest with me or anyone else for that matter about what it is. I didn't even learn about the car she had bought until about 2 weeks after everyone there knew she had one!
I do want a better M than we had, and she seems to want that, too. Of course, it's all words until she is back home, and maybe that is why I was pushing so hard. It seems to have had an effect as I have talked to her three times in the last two days and gotten some marginally positive vibes, when compared with my expectations. I'll see what she has to say tomorrow about the citizenship issue. If true, that might be the sticky wicket, but even if true, it is not insurmountable.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
