It will take more than a major miracle to convince me your husband is for real. When he gives up the OW and can demonstrate that he's had no contact with her for 12 months, when gets into therapy for his anger/rage and narcisissm and can demonstrate he's a decent human being, then maybe you should give it a second thought. He then needs to bend over backwards and not make a SINGLE demand on you. Not until then.
I fully agree with this. xH gave me a list of demands, and only then would he come back. No thank you. He never mentioned anything HE needed to change. I fear our spouse/xspouses are similar in that aspect.
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What kind of individual sets this kind of example for his 20 year old daughter?
Shame on him. And kudos to you for being there, for your daughters, during this mess he left behind. Shame on him for being so selfish that he always (and probably will always) put himself first.
My friend said to me awhile back, "You are a treasure. You don't deserve to be put away on a shelf. You deserve true happiness with someone that appreciates you".
I think that applies to you as well, my friend. Happiness is out there. Good, solid, trustworthy men are out there.
Yesterday was a long day. I was up by 4:00 am. I was volunteering at a fishing tournament for the Children's Hospital. I had to be at the sign in by 5:00 am. It's put on by a organizatiion I belong to and one of the member's H who H and I have been friends with over 20 years. H and he go back even further. My H usually volunteers for it also because of his friend. Sat. morning on the way there I get phone call from H asking if I knew what time we were supposed to be there. I said I was on my way then, he said he was too. Matter of fact it ended up that we pulled up at the same time. I believe he purposely went slow so that I would catch up with him. He was a good mile of ahead of me when he called. When I got there I was cool to him again. We had to stay about 2 hours and then were free to go home again.
About 12:30 H called me and asked me what time we were supposed to be back. I got out there and it was pouring down rain and very chilly. I had a jacket on and H asked me if I needed a warmer jacket. I said I was fine. One of the other workers got there and didn't have a jacket so I gave her mine and got one of H's jackets.
Because it started storming so badly the fisherman started coming in early. Some turned in their numbers knowing they didn't have a chance of winning. One pair turned in their numbers saying they had let their fish go because they didn't think they had enough pounds to win. It appeared to be a father/son team. They kept talking to me under the pavillion even though they were free to go. The son kept hinting to the dad he was ready to go, but the dad kept talking to me. I'm sure H saw all of this because he was also under the pavillion, but on the other side of the small stage. Did I mention that I no longer wear my wedding band? Son finally talked the dad into leaving, I was a little disappointed. I was learning a lot of "about fishing", LOL.
After they left I was sitting at the table helping check in the fisherman and I shivered. H went out to his truck and brought me a heavier coat. I guess he was keeping an eye on me.
After the tournament H said he wanted to talk to me. We had a long talk. He said he was going to tell OW that it was over between them. I said are you firing her? He said no, on what grounds? I said you can find grounds. He said I believe she will quit when I tell her. I said no, she won't. She divorced her H for you. She won't stop until she gets you. With her in the picture it will never work. He tried to get defensive with me and say I had to let him do it his way for this to work. I said no, you need to see my point of view. You wouldn't want me around a man I had an affair with.
I see he hasn't changed...It looks like I will soon be a free woman. Would I like to restore my marriage? Of course. Do I see it happening? No, I really don't, but I know I am going to be fine.
Actually, it was kind of fun "learning about fishing"...
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Good for you. He threw the same old bait out there, and the fish wouldn't bite. Hmmmm. Now what is he going to do? Keep your distance. You are getting quite good at it. So is the new fisherman a single father?
Wow, your H told you he as going to break up with the OW, but still wouldn't fire her... So he knows what he really needs to do, but when he got half-way there he continued dragging his feet.
It will be interesting to see if he still tells her, and what she actually ends up doing.. but Not your drama, its his!!
((((hugs)))
If I was a betting woman, I would bet that he wouldn't go through with it telling her. He'll change his mind and decide she's the one he wants to stay with. That's why I don't put any stock in anything he says anymore. Unless he makes some major changes, he's not what I need or want.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
