Thank you for taking the time to respond with so much thought and care. I really need to read your post a few times and digest it. I do want to clarify something though.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
In the very beginning, he was having a terrible, terrible time, and it has gotten worse. You must do what is best for him and it clearly seems that what is going on now is not what is best for his health. I know, divorce does not seem to be the answer for any child. I am not saying that it is! I am saying that the contention between his parents is killing him slowly.
True that my younger son was having a rough time at the beginning. However, it hasn't gotten worse, our relationship has improved tremendously, and he no longer has the extreme separation anxiety when he's with me. I'm not sure what you mean by "what is going on now is not what is best for his health." The kids seem to be adjusting to this whole co-parenting arrangement, and I don't think either of them feel contention between us, just that Mom still needs time.
I know that I need to detach more, and most of the time I feel like I'm doing a good job of it - no calls, emails, contact, unless it involves kids schedules or logistics - it's the times when she has wanted to discuss 'next steps' when all my DBing seems to get lost in panic of the moment.
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But, as I told you before, it is time for you to turn her lose and turn her over to God and let Him deal with her and the stitch b/c nothing else and nobody else at this point is going to change her mind.
I ask God every day to give me guidance and help me be a better man, father, husband and Christian, and maybe your message tonight is Him speaking to me, through you. I guess I just don't really understand what it means to fully turn it over to Him. I admit that I am powerless to do anything to change her mind, and I pray for Him to fill her heart with the Holy Spirit and give her peace. I pray for Him to heal her heart of all wounds past and present, and fill her heart with love.
I do want what is best for my kids, and I believe that D will cause more harm long term than the current uncertainty will. This is one reason why I won't come to a mutual agreement that this is what is best. If the decision is made, it is hers, and I can go to my grave with no regrets. But I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and don't believe anything, except for abuse, warrants divorce. That's where I'm having so much difficulty. I can give her all the time she needs, and I can drop the rope, I just can't willingly go along with something that I feel is morally wrong.
Are you saying I should just agree with her and say "OK, if you want a D, I will agree to go along with one even though I don't feel it is the best solution for the kids and I don't believe it is morally warranted."
Originally Posted By: PMA_Baby!
Can't you see that you already have your answer where she stands? Dont believe anything they say remember. Only actions. What are her actions? Not filing. Not telling the kids.
This does lead me to believe that she still is conflicted and she is looking for me to agree so she can resolve it to herself that it wasn't her decision alone. And I guess my point of standing for my marriage is that if D is going to happen, it will be her decision alone.
I can see that sending that email would be pursuing and controlling, and came to that conclusion after reading PMA's post earlier, but your input further clarifies it.
She is absolutely free to do whatever it is that she needs to do, and the ball is in her court now. I have done what I can do, said what I can say, and it IS in God's hands now.
Thank you for your continued advice and prayers Sandi. You are in my prayers also, and I hope that you are feeling better every day.
