New around here...

[hopeful_cb]

Gosh I think this is going to be a long post as I'm trying to sort what just happened in my head!

Needless to say we never even got to looking at the computer problems!

Just saw H tonight. We met and had a nice dinner. We had great positive conversation and joked around and had a nice time. Had to wait a while for a table so had quite long time to talk and catch. I think I did well in this time to be fun, friendly, positive and upbeat without giving too much information. On the walk back,nearing in on arriving to 'my' house H got very quiet.

I asked what he was thinking about. H started to talk cryptic like and seemed frustrated stumbling over his words. In the end he came out with talking about a friend of ours who I thought may be a possible OW to him.

He said he felt the need to talk to me about this as we had agreed to be honest with each other. He said they were v good friends and he didn't know what was between them but that he may want to find out. He said he'd not said anything too much to her yet but that there had been some 'conversations' about things. but he also said he didnt know how she felt for him and that it was all v stressful and confusing since they work together n he is kind of her boss and bc of our sitch. He said he feels that part of it may be that she helped him thru a tough emotional time (when he left me) and that may be what he feels but that he is thinking about finding out. Said he doesn't know what he is going to do but felt he promised to be honest with me so felt the need to tell me. Said he was thinking about maybe going for a few dinners or something to see how things go.

I did keep calm and talked about what he brought up. Don't know how well I did regarding DB as i was thrown off and things seemed to go out the window a bit.

I asked how would this be different from the dinners, movies and other time they spent together up until now. He said they have just been hanging out as friends.

I feel like they have been growing closer since before he even left me, but he assures me that is not the case. He even said he was a little annoyed that I saw this happening before him(last time we discussed R and possible OW I mentioned this and said I can see it happening, before I got DR) He said they just get along really well.

I said that if he did decide to do that I didn't see it as right bc we are still married and that that is a commitment I value. H said we are separated and he doesn't see us as married anymore so he feels it is ok. I said I would see it as an affair. (don't know if I should have said this in hindsight, it could sound a bit threatening?) H of course totally disagreed.

We discussed this further, probably too far as I had said my peace and should have left it at that. But got drawn in, at least I was calm and collected and honest.

H said he doesn't want to get divorced and then said you have to be separated a year anyway. So I asked where he found this information and he said a friend. H then became suspicious and asked why had I been to see a L? I said no. H said the only reason he would want a D is if he wanted to marry someone else and that is the last thing he wanted to do right now. H also said we have no kids, no house etc so had nothing to split or to worry about in that sense.

H said he is happy on his own even if that's not what I want to hear. H commented that he wanted to make sure he was ok on his own not just jump into another relationship. Said he has been on his own 5 months(he only moved out 3 months ago so I don't agree with this but said I didn't want to argue about time frames bc it doesn't matter)

H started to bring things up about how we, then said at least he felt he got married for the wrong reasons, etc and back to his story line. I tried to validate what he was saying and say that I do hear what he is telling me. I said I can see how he felt the way he did before we separated regarding the problems we were having. We didn't communicate about these problems until he was leaving. H said it was too late now, etc. he sees it as completely over. that's it, he wants to draw a line under it all.

He said he wanted to tell me how he felt about OW in case anything did evolve there as he felt it right to be honest. I had said about possibly speaking to her as we used to be friends and I thought we still were. He was very worried about this and asked me not to speak to her. Said he didn't know where things were going and they hadn't talked about this yet and didn't want me to say anything to her. He kept saying please don't say anything to her.

H said nobody at his work knows about this. I mentioned they might bc of comments made to me before he even left me. (prob shouldn't of said this, but don't know what came over me) H said about being worried he would get her fired. He asked me really worried like again to please don't tell people they work with his personal stuff and please don't go posting on facebook or anything comments to anyone about her or to her.

I said things we talk about are between you and me that I don't plan to tell friends our conversations. But that I would not lie to anyone and that I may speak to OW if I felt I needed to, but that I still would not discuss his and my conversations to her as that is btw us.

I feel this conversation went on way too long. H had to leave to catch train home and even as he stood in the door way was continuing to talk about things. I know I was part of this too as I engaged. I did not end things first and should have.

H ended by saying he doesn't want to hurt me anymore but knows either way I will probably still be hurt and he wants to make it the least he can. H also kept saying he thinks I am being very good about all of this. (he was worried I would be screaming at him) and that he had not made any decision about what he was going to do regarding OW as things were complicated (duh of course they are you fool!! you are married!) and again please don't say anything to anyone (also insinuated this included his family).

In a way I almost feel relieved bc I am no longer wondering what is going on with them 2. But also besides their close friendship nothing has happened as of now. I have always said I would rather know one way or the other. I would have thought I'd be breaking down about now after this confession but I am not. I feel hurt but ok. At least I know what I am dealing with.

I got thru it but OMG I don't know what to do next!