My little one and I had a great time at the zoo, there was a petting area with goats that she kept calling horses lol. couldnt get her to ride one of the real ponies though. Such a perfect day, glad i got to spend it with my #1 girl
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Im leaning more towards throwing in the towel on this one. As i reclaim my independence I see how much of a selfish child my W actually is. If I were to meet here now as a stranger i seriously doubt that i would take much notice of her. The feelings are still there, but i just dont know if it is worth it anymore.
I cant really express in words how im feeling about the whole sitch. My plans and dreams do not include her any longer, and as she puts it "I dont know how it would work".
Im pretty content, I love having my daughter, I have more ambition, I like my freedom.
I strongly believe that marriage should endure no matter what (barring abuse) but ive hit this point where i just cant imagine her making the changes SHE would have to make for our marriage to work, and then thinking back, She was pretty abusive to me and my oldest daughter, to her own children for that matter, loved them when they were cute and helpless, but as they started getting into things she lost interest in them. I in turn, was very cold and distant mostly because it kept me in control of the situation. There was always this constant power struggle, i dont think i could get used to the screaming, fighting and violent behavior again.
This is just some more random thoughts on my part. Ive come a long way from page one of my personal journal.
god bless to all you fine folks. Nite
mlb
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
You sound really healthy about where you are in your sitch. I can totally relate to where you are right now. There is a lot written about how the LBS should work on themselves and make their own lives better and so forth, but as you and I have both discovered, after a while we also find that we were unsatisfied with the M and we want some changes to occur for the WAS, too. I know I wouldn't be completely happy if my W came back today without having made some significant changes in her life, either.
Good luck with all your positive changes; cherish the time with your D and don't completely shut the door on the possibility of a future reconciliation if the stars and planets align.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
Yeah PD, i think i just get frustrated at this slow moving process. I doubt i will completely close the door on her although it would make my life a lot simpler. I stay mindful of the fact that no matter what im always going to have her in my life in some fashion or another, and if she did take that step forward to grow up, she would be great.
Right now she is a 32 y/o woman who lives with her 80 year old grandmother, she leaves the two stepkids with granny so she can go out 4 nights a week. Her oldest daughter has some bad emotional problems that granny isnt strong enough to deal with. Grannies health is fading and I seriously feel sorry for her having to deal with all 3 of those children.
She let our house go, spends all her time and money on partying with her single friends. it is 5 months that she has been doing his now with no signs of stopping for any reason. The kids have been abandoned, Im glad that i have the little one. I would take our stepson too if she would let me.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
And yet another new man enters the picture, Im out. She isnt worth the effort, and heartache that goes along with trying to save this marriage. I never saw it ending like this but i cant take it.
Last week it was her telling me she was in no hurrty dont get divorced, she didnt know what she wanted to telling me today that she is going to start seeing this other guy (like it was a shock after the others) and she wants the divorce. I told her to file it i wasnt going to wait around anymore.
She said i was annoying her and that this date was no big deal. I replied maybe not to her. Im feeling pretty low right now, after that bs. Now what?
Guess i just keep on building myself up and take care of my little one, she can be someone elses problem with her lies and trickery.
mlb
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Im so angry, i called her back and told her to go file the D this week. told her to go to legal aid that they would took care of people like her. She wants to talk later but i dont think i really care what she has to say. Right now im full speed ahead.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Maybe it was a low thing to do, but i turned off everything that was in my name. Called my lawyer who is without a doubt the evilest man i know. W agreed to sign full custody of my D2 over to me, i asked for my step son too but she said no way. It was worth a shot.
I would still rather try and work this out too rather then split the children up like that, man this is killing me, but she is definatly better off with me.
God forgive me for what im about to do, I feel like i have no other options now but to proceed with the D.
I asked her what about the step kids, the S6 ive raised since he was born and now i think im about to lose him. She wont let me see him, talk to him or spend any time with him. We were actually close through her pregnancy with him, his biological dad is a dead beat, druggie. I was around through most of it and there when he was born, so on and so forth.
I feel like im in a spiral again, its different this time though, im still functional. I can go to work, I still want to go do things with my kiddo. I just cant make heads or tails of my soon to be ex.
Last thing she said to me was I want the Divorce, and then in the next breath i need to think about things. I think im pretty well locked in now, like it or not. I cant take anymore other men.
We had this connection that she denies now when we spent the week together. Says she loves being around me and doing stuff together but she wants a divorce. Is she a cake eater? If so her party is over. Its go time.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
