Sure - you can jump to conclusions...I did when my W came home at 3 in the morning - while we were still living in the same house -our M home -but while we were sleeping in diff bedrooms-a sort of "in-house separation" -but it did me no favours.
My W was going to do what she was going to do...regardless of my presence and belief that our R/M could be saved...she was not interested in that.In fact I remember doing all sorts of things, organising all sorts of things in the hope that it would enable her to see what she was giving up and what could be...none of it worked...none of it...
One of the hardest memories to recall was a trip locally to a Youth Hostel -at prompting of my W for S7, her and I last summer where we had what I thought was a great w/e cycling and walking, to find W standing in the corner of the grounds trying to get a signal for her mobile -presumably to text or talk to OM...
And through all of this maintaining a perfectly agreeable persona...shortly after that she told me that she had been seeing someone - but only because someone was threatening to tell me - in fact she got a text message to tell as much - and was so p!ssed at that person and also tried to get me on board to find out who it was!!! In fact a couple of days later I got a letter through the post telling me the same...
To this day M,I have no idea who it was...but W was seriously rattled to find that someone was not on her side...and she was adamant that she had only shared that information with a "few close friends". Well turns out at least one friend thought different!
Which is a long winded and round-about way of saying that you seriously need to DETACH!!! And to stop thinking that everyone is against you...they are not...I found out so through that letter -that not everyone is on your W's side and DROP THAT ROPE!!!
You did a great job IMO with the kid's fun run -like you I have found it a challenge to"anticipate" things and plan forward -like you, my W would like to believe that I'm pathologically incapable of it...which makes her role all the more important and paints me as the stereotypical incapable father...but truth is, yes I was that person...I am not any more -
Suncream? Check, Hat? - Check Water/drink/food? - Check Picked up on time - without fail? Check Played sports with? Check Homework done? Check Washed/bathed/showered before bed and teeth brushed? Check Read to at bedtime and stories shared? Check Clean and ironed clothes in the morning? Check
Mark-there was a time when my W wouldn't trust me to do anything...I could never ever do anything right...now we have a situation where she "has" to lean on me and trust that I will and at last I can prove that I can-its not under the best of circumstances but at least she "trusts" me to.
Mark - where are you? I'm in the NW close to Pennines - you can find me on FB.
