Apologies for the delay in posting; there has been a lot going on, a lot of confusion and hurt and I have been wanting to process things before I posted.
Really, really need some help with all of this.
On 29/4 (day before the court hearing) my H and I talked for about 6 hours. It was originally going to be a chance for us to look at whether we could find a common way to prevent the court case happening.....we ended up talking about the R. H was VERY EMOTIONAL.
I was talking to him about his snoring problem and how I have ever been able to have the intimacy that I yearned for with him because of my need for sleep. I told him that I had been very lonely. He said likewise.
He said that he was VERY SAD, that what had happened to us was a HUGE TRAGEDY..........because of what he sees as a CATACLYSMIC CHANGE in me and the way I am proceeding with y life. He was crying and saying "Why now, why now? I have been waiting for the last five years for the person that I see in front of me.......This is all I have ever wanted, you now are all that I ever wanted."
In the same conversation he said that he is now in a new relationship; i said yes one that by your own admission is not that significant; he said I never said that......I said yes of course you did, and that you may not be with OW in 2 months time; he said I never said that. I said.......so, it is significant then? He said "i am nor saying that, I am not saying anything about my relationship with OW to you'. He then said this marriage is over and I have moved on.
I commented on how quickly he seems to have "moved on" in a relationship that is built on other peoples sorrow and devastation. He incredibly said "Whose devastation?" Can he really be so far out of integrity? I said, well mine.........he said, look I understand that you are distressed and D7 is hurt to a lesser extent (unbelievable........his own D7 who is devastated he he is diminishing it).......he seems to be either devoid of emotion or is in complete denial.
As I was leaving I decided to say my finally goodbyes/ This is not be giving up on the commitment of my M, or for standing for it in Gods eyes, but making it quite clear that I am not the sort of woman that hangs around when he is in another R, whatever the nature of that is. I said that i was proud and honoured to be his wife, that i loved him, that I wished him happiness, that I hoped that she would make him happy (his response was only I can make myself happy; I a essentially alone in my life..........an indication of depression?). I then started talking about my step daughters; how much I still love them and miss them, how I love and miss his whole family but that I can bear speaking to them because the new OW will have taken my place. He says that he believes that love never dies and that I will always be a part of him, but that he doesn't believe that we will be in an intimate relationship again and that out time in each others life, in this lifetime is over. Yet he then says that no one can predict the future and strange things do happen......He kept crying and saying what a tragedy this all is, and was holding both my hands. He then said that he ahd to leave, that it was all too sad and his face was contorted........he then went.
The thing is , this man has choices........i have no idea what is going on here. If he is in so much tragedy about this why did he get in his car and drive to spend the night with OW? Is this R with OW going to last; it is based on secrecy, lies, other peoples devastation. The OW is dealing with my H's life; a bi-polar schizophrenic S34, 2 D's from first M (26,15), an XW with a partner who is dying of prostate cancer, a current wife and D7 who are both devastated and grieving, a dying sister whom he is very close to,a company that is folding, a career that is in chaos (he blames me for the demise of it and that that is why he is struggling now), He is of no FORMAL fixed abode, is living with OW but cant admit that legally.
Does this not bode well for their future? Is this pure and simple rebound, a man getting involved with his employee......when he is obviously, in some ways still trying to make sense abut the demise of our M
Will post next bit of news in a minute, coffee calls..... Please let me know any thoughts?
