I just wanted to sat kodoos to you for wanting to try to make your M work. I just recently found out about what my H was doing behind my back. (cheating regulary, 3somes, trying to meet with my sister for sex , and an internet porn profile). Unlike you, I did not give my H a chance to explain. He had cheated on me in our first year of dating and I forgave him then and do not think that I could forgive him again or rebuild what I thought we had or ever trust him again. I filed for a divorce and had the papers served last tuesday.
I know some of the things that may have led up to my H's cheating but either way he still made the decision for himself. I found it very hard to believe that I stood in the same church as him and said the same vows as him. We have only been married 3 years, together for 6.
If you are really committed to making this work and tryign to get past your wife's affair it may be in the best interest to suggest counceling for the both of you. Perhaps she would feel better talking to a C than to you about the reasons why she strayed. Perhaps she may feel like you will ridicule her, not understand, get upset, take it the wrong way, or that she doesn't yet know why she did what she did. (Not saying you will do any of these things) A MC may help bring it out in discussions.
I am sorry that you are going through this in your life. Like you I have young children (not my H's though) and I have been fully committed and faithful to my H. I know what you are feeling at this time. I know how it is comsuming your every thought every waking moment of the day. Please continue to find things to do that will help you get your mind off of it and continue to come here.
I don't know how to put links on here for you to read my story but it is titled, still losted in Iowa. Maybe reading other peoples stories can help you too.
Take it a day at a time and don't push to get all the answers now. Read Michelle's part on getting past the infidility of a spouse. you may find answers there too.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
