I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow...!

[1853dave]

Thanks Sandi,

Well, she does have the "grass is greener" sickness, that's for sure. However, I'm pretty sure there's no other person in her life... I've had a neighbor who seems pretty neutral to us who believes she doesn't either. Besides, with the kids around all of the time there's no time for one, and one of them would have said something. Yeah, I know, what about the internet - well, she's not computer savvy, so I highly doubt that too. I know, many reading this will still try to convince me that it's still possible, I understand that, but I just have not seen any signs or evidence. Regardless, what does it matter right now anyway? Would that change anything I am doing? Would my DB plan of attack change even if there was an EA?

Anyway, the free, single, and happy - I think are all attracting her to the divorce trap. Free? Maybe. Single - yeah, I guess, with two young children... Happy? That's yet to be seen. She has no income, and expects to keep the condo and all the "stuff" that goes with it. I just don't see how that can happen. I think the "happy" part will not be as happy as it might appear from here...

The ride of my life? Are you kidding?!? I've been hanging on for a while now....! I know it! I've been warned to hang on by my DB counselor, and she was right!

I never said she made me miserable...although the last 6 months have been pretty close to that. Prior to that I was pretty happy with her. Of course, in retrospect, I see where I was not happy about a lot of things over the past year or so, and I see where there were times that she wasn't happy either, but I never thought either one of us was miserable. (I'm sure right now she would argue that point!)

It is amazing how much more enlightened I am now, than I was a year or two ago. I have become the DB preacher to a couple of coworkers who are headed for trouble. Even if I can't save my own marriage, I really want to help others who are headed down that same path. I tell them to get on the ball, don't let things get so bad that you'll wish you had the opportunity to fix things when it might be too late. And, of course, I send them to this site, or just hand them the book.

You last paragraph sums it up. There's only so much I can do, and it has to be for me and our children.

As an aside, my DB counselor has been noticing some softening, and examining the patterns with my W... I'll keep on the DB path, because I am feeling better about it, and lately again the interactions with the W have been pretty good. I think the kids are happy to see us happy too. I am hoping for a good outcome, but that remains to be seen. The chaplain tells me in his experiece it could take one to two years...and he knows of and supports the DB model.

Also, she does have issues - more with self esteem than anything. The chaplain tells me that I am dealing with 40+ years of pent-up emotions, that go back to when she was a child. It isn't all about me. Michelle described her to a "T" in her books. She fits the pattern almost perfectly.

I don't know what my chances are. Perhaps none of us do. However, as Michelle says, there are definitely things I could be doing that would be as effective as me filing for divorce myself. So far, focusing on myself and the kids seems to be the best advice so far.

Thanks for jumping in Sandi. No, you did not disappoint me. I value your input - thanks!