Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

Antlers-

Good morning. Hope you were able to get some sleep. If you truly can't sleep, can't function, can't be a good parent, and can't stop the thoughts from mercilessly swirling around in your head, see your doctor and talk to him or her about it. There's no shame in getting a little help right now. I did, and it helped a lot. There's no avoiding the pain and grief, but you can at least get some sleep and function a little better.

I know she needs to be alone. She's been alone for nearly 2 and 1/2 months already, and things have gotten worse during that time! Her anger and hatred are increasing, and now she's saying the things that I mentioned earlier! She says that I'm just manipulating people and that she can see right through me! I'm not. I don't know if its fear, or anger and hatred, that is dominating her every thought and action right now. She has told me what the future will bring, and it's not good for me! I hope you are right.

All anger and hatred is born from fear. Her suspicious comments show how fearful she is. I know it's virtually impossible, but try not to let her comments hit soooo hard. Remember, she's an imperfect human being like the rest of us.

I feel bad about myself too, and I haven't started feeling better yet. Did she say the kinds of things that my spouse said to me? Hard to imagine, right now, that we'll ever do things as a family again...or that she'll ever be nice and kind to me...she moved out in February. Hard to have any hope right now, but I still do, and I don't know if its false hope or not! I want to be OK if we end up apart.

It sounds like your W is in a worse place than my W was, but they were in the same neighborhood, that's for sure! I, like you, was shocked and very hurt by how my W mercilessly lashed out at me. This was a woman I loved, had children with, shared memories with. Try to realize, she's all alone now, she's scared, no matter how much it looks like she's got all the power, she's really terrified. Her lashing out is indication of that. The fact that her anger is intensifying may actually be a good sign that her being alone is finally allowing her to process and purge all the years of supressed feelings. The emotional wound is coming to the surface.

Going dark sounds like an appropriate strategy right now...what do you think...in particular, regarding the communication between us?

Well, I'm ready for some change in this mess, I just want it to be change for the better. Thanks for your efforts so far.

Keep communication as minimal as possible. Always be calm and neutral. Just the facts necessary to deal with whatever is at hand.

Remember, some change will come, but it will take time, probably much time, so don't wait on it every day, and don't count on the change being everything you want it to be. Just get yourself into a better place and live your life.

I feel for you since I was in such a similar place. I don't have all the answers, that's for sure. I'm just trying to share what I've learned so far.

Mornin'. I got more last night than the night before. I've been sleeping OK recently until that phone call the other night. I use OTC doxylamine when I need to and it works good for me. It's hard to stop the thoughts sometimes. I've been taking Celexa for a couple of months and I think it helps. I have problems with the pain and grief too!

Really? I thought that resentment had a lot to do with it too! I do know that she's messed up some right now...but she seems real strong to me, and she says she is happy now for the first time in a long time. Her comments did hit me like a ton of brick. But I know that hurting people say hurtful things. But so do people who are pissed off and resentful!

Yep, it's sometimes hard for me to imagine that it's the same person...I've been told that she's not the same person anymore...at least to me! It looks to me that she's doing fine, does have all the power, and really has her act together...almost like it's a honeymoon period for her. Hard to imagine that she's anything other than real happy right now! Her anger is getting worse, and I hope it's because she's processing and purging all of the emotions and feelings that she kept bottled up for so long. I know that anger protects one from vulnerability. She doesn't seem vulnerable to me at all though!

I really don't want to communicate at all right now...but I don't want anything bad to happen in the meantime either. If necessary, it'll be text, and minimal.

I so much want to get myself in a better place, and live...instead of just existing. I'd like some positive change, for a change! I've got lots of time...I just really don't want a divorce, and I hope she doesn't file.

I appreciate you sharing with me from what you've learned so far...and I appreciate the others too who care! Thanks .