Hey ((Julia)), Sorry to hear the FB thing has got your emotions reeling. Try not to read anything into it. Yes, easier said than done - we all know that. My H kinda said the same about his job. We know, now, it was just an excuse, like many of the others. Could you ask your H if he would like to go out & celebrate his new job? Or maybe that is pushing it ......
Moving would make anyone unsettled, so totally understandable. Try to remember the positives!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I was thinking about asking to meet to celebrate the job but I didn't know if it would be too soon? It would be a natural friends thing to do and I do want to hear all about it. I suppose I worry as there has been so little contact and now there is quite a lot? My instincts say yes, ask him but I am a bit scared. Of what I'm not quite sure, scaring him off??
OK, I'm gonna extrapolate from that FB interaction a tiny bit. It seems like he told her about your conversation, guilt is playing out a bit on FB, and she's playing her "hee hee" defense. The thing is that you're way too cool to react to that, so hee hee.
The thing is Julia--you made an impact on their silly little world. If I'm not mistaken she's been making sly little comments sort of meant for your eyes all along, but H has never made any prior--and I would be willing to bet good money that his comment was directly promoted by her--so obviously she feels a teensy bit threatened. Hee hee again.
I would play it just as cool as you always have, and feel just good about your beautiful self. This is a good sign, not a bad one, IMHO.
(((Julia)))
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Thank you both for being so supportive and yanking me out of my hole - it doesn't happen often to me now, but I just felt overwhelmed at the tasks ahead of me!
I loved your analogy Lost, it made me laugh and feel so much better for it! It really is silly and it was also silly of me to react. I love that I can get it out of my system on here and not let H see it!
H and I had a good email exchange this morning. I emailed him to say thank you for the present and he emailed back almost straight away (a real change from the pre christmas 10 day average reply time). The present he bought me from his holiday was really thoughtful. It was little wooden calendar blocks held in a cat-shaped thing, it is really cute. I was expecting chocolate but this is really thoughtful.
The language he used in his email this morning was much more 'old h' and softer. I think it was because I showed real appreciation for his gift which I believe is one of his primary love languages. However I am aware that things are moving on with the house now, the survey is booked for tomorrow, so it could be to do with that. He sounded very excited about his job and I am really cheering him on which is what I used to do. It can't do any harm. He said he will tell me all about it when we meet which will have to be soon as the solicitor have sent through the papers for us to sign. I like the fact that he is no longer scared to meet me, as he could just send me the papers to sign.
that's great, Julia!!! A different tone from H is really important. I'm glad to hear about the gift, too. I would be doing backflips if I got a gift like that from my WA!
Just remember with what seems are negatives there are positives as well. The house may lift some guilt from your H. Money in hand, may cause more conflict in his current R. ow bashing you on FB, your H may be or start defending you. You are still a source of security for your H, as long as you are M - his R can only go so far. (As Jody has said). So keep the positives
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
(((T))) Thank you I guess it really makes me see that people show love in different ways and I really like that I was able to thank him properly, understanding that. For me, love is quality time, which is why it is so hard not to see him. I am learning to appreciate his sentiment and give him space. I am too scared to get excited at this point, although I went into the office on Friday after having been away at a conference on Thursday and seeing the gift made me smile and feel fuzzy.
(((Ms M))) You are right that positives are coming from seeming negatives - as in your sitch too. In his emails etc he keeps saying how pleased he is that everything is moving with the house and I am acting 'as if' back. In fact it helps me to stay positive by acting as if. I am realising how important my home is to me, how carefully I look after my things but also realising that he does not value the same things as me. To be honest, as long as we value each other (which I know we are capable of doing) that is the most important thing.
(((Mishka))) Thanks for checking in on me
Today a colleague from work came and took my sofa. It is a big heavy thing and it is a relief it is gone as I wasn't sure how I was going to get rid of it. However it does mean I'll have limited seating till I move. I have taken really good care of that sofa and it was like new and when they were loading it in the van and dragging it across the floor it was silently killing me - especially when they ripped it!!!!!!!! I just kept repeating 'it's not longer mine, it isn't my responsibility' and that made me laugh about it.
BTW just as an aside... my neighbours are so weird!!! They are really nosey and I avoid going out when they are there. They ask me personal questions about h etc and I always feel watched when I go out the house. I finally plucked up the courage to mow my front lawn knowing I was going to have to have some kind of conversation. I got on with mowing my lawn and turned round and their granddaughter was sitting on a chair about 3 feet away from me just watching me. When my friend came to get the chair she said it was like something out of a horror movie! So strange at least I didn't have to talk! lol!
With regards to h, he said last week that we need to meet to sign some solicitor stuff and I left it that he should let me know when. I am staying dark just for the moment and seeing what happens next week. It is unlikely he will contact me over the bank holiday weekend.
Hey Julia, Good to see you are taking this all in stride.
Remember the positive steps may not seem so or what we are expecting. It's all in ones perspective, I suppose.
Who ever said the path we are taking is a clear one? I think with some positive steps forward, we think the path would get more clear, in view so to speak - not always true - huh?
It like a huge garden maze.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
It seems like he told her about your conversation, guilt is playing out a bit on FB, and she's playing her "hee hee" defense. The thing is that you're way too cool to react to that, so hee hee. 