WAW New life with OM #2

[ppenton]

Last night, W and met to discuss our R and the informal separation agreement we drew up in January, per this agreement we agreed to meet on May 1st. (we are scheduled to meet again on Aug 1st) W came over to the house and we started off by talking about our work days and some small chit-chat about good news we heard which some neighborhood kids have possible scholarship opportunities.
Then I asked her to sit down so we could go over the document which I updated at work Friday morning. I really felt in control as we went through this as I was taking the lead. The first question I asked her is "what do you want to do" in regards to our R, continue the separation, get divorce or reconcile? She said she did not know and asked me what I wanted. I told her I wanted to reconcile but realized that could not happen as long you still have feelings for OM, so I would like to continue with this separation as we have been doing (I realize this could be weak or a backslide but wanted to tell her how I feel, BTW: she is never angry with me). She quickly agreed as she said she does not want to divorce (I think - trying not to mind read - she is confused and lost). Then W asked if I would be willing to give her the Kolh's card so she can buy some new outfits for the spring/summer as her clothes are falling off her and I said that she could use the card as long as she paid back the balance, which she agreed to. Then she asked if S13 could come by their apartment to walk OM's dog and I said as long as OM is not there and S13 really wants to then its fine with me as I know how much S13 loves dogs even though he is allergic to them. She also said she would like the kids to come to the apt but I told her she could come to the house more often if you want as I don't want the kids to feel obligated to go over there in case OM is around and I don't want to force the kids to meet new people in their parent's lives right now. She seemed receptive to that idea.
Next, we discussed finances which we are going to continue as we have been the past couple of months which seems to be working fine now that we hammered out some details awhile back. I told her when she first left and said I could take all of her check, which I did even though I didn't need every penny. I told her I was mad and a little vindictive and since then have tried to be fair with what is needed for the household expenses. (I didn't tell her that I met with a couple of lawyers to determine what I could really get from her) W will continue to help fold the laundry and help with getting kids to various appointments.
We discussed the up coming holidays: she will take the boys to brunch on Mother's Day and said she does not plan to do anything with them for Memorial Day, Father's Day or 4th of July. We again discussed that OM will not come to any of the kids events (sports, school, etc) and if he shows up to surprise W I asked her to tell him to leave and she agreed. She still doesn't want to hire any lawyers which I said is fine for now. W then said "I'm sorry" which I was not sure how to respond, so I said for what? And she for all of this and I just smiled cause was not sure what to do.
Then W said I looked good and asked me how I was doing and I said I'm doing very well and told her about the projects I'm leading at work and that work is going really good. I told her me and the boys are getting along great and things here are going good.
She could hardly look at me as she was tearing up, so I asked her how are you doing? She said she has been up and down as she is sad at times and misses her friends and family. W really misses our niece (she is 20) as they were so close, I told W that our niece is very mad and hurt right now. She believes most of her friends are either mad at her or don't want anything to do with her (I just listened and didn't respond). Then she mentioned that she is 99% sure that even if she came back home her mom would never forgive her to which, I said that is up to her mom. (My W does not really understand what forgiveness is, in that it would be for her mom, not W) Then W said she is surprised I would consider taking her back I said, (may not DBing) if you wanted to come back and if I wanted you back then we would have a lot of work to do and can discuss this more at that time. In addition, I mentioned don't let outside people influence your decision if you want to come back.
This was most of our conversation (at least what I can remember) then she came by me, said thank you and gave me a big, long hug and kissed me on the cheek I felt really good and strong as I was prepared for her to tell me she wanted a divorce which I would have validated. I didn't mention ILY or how much I missed her just tried to be upbeat and look happy with my new life.
So, I will continue to DB, GAL, find more 180s, get stronger, pray and be there for my kids as I have been so far.

Then I called my mom and a few friends and told them what happened and they all said that if I'm happy with how it went then they are happy for me