WAW1

[PositivelyMommy]

Mark,

As I see that you have worked hard on your Anticipations list, I am really happy to share some of the things that I had in mind for you to put down. These are just general categories, what you wrote down was awesome and you may have more to add after you have read this post.

Children's needs:

1) Physical - e.g toothbrush, sunscreen, getting to events on time, etc. what you did was great, keep up the good work

2) Emotional - e.g. talking with them about their feelings, start off small, like how did you feel about your fun run today then procees to bigger things like how do you feel about Mommy and Daddy living apart. I know, this is going to be a difficult one but you will thank me for years to come when you break this barrier now rather than when they are having difficulties with their partners when they are grown-up

3) Mental - making sure they have a positive state of mind. Martin Seligman wrote a book called, 'The Optimistic Child'. I highly recommend this book to ALL parents especially kids whose parents are going through difficulties.

(I am a huge fan of positive thinking, a line of psychology initiated by Martin Seligman. That is what you feel when you read my posts. It is very important that your children grow up with a positive mindset, to feel hope, to understand that working hard towards something takes effort and is worthwhile no matter what the outcome, to WANT TO TRY. )

4) Intellectual - You mentioned that your D reads to your S sometimes. May I suggest that YOU read to them individually to them as well. It will achieve two things. One - an intimacy that they will look forward to every time they see you (emotional need), two - to develop their intellectual capacity and to help you and your kids bond. Choose books that they are interested in, take them to the library to choose. It can be fiction or non-fiction, doesn't matter. Then discuss the stories you have read. What did you learn? How did the characters feel, why did they feel that way? Was there another way that the characters could have acted? Do you get the idea? I can expand if you need.

5) Social - Children mimic us. It's a fact. You may not know it but it's very important that they see us being social with our friends. How we interact with family, friends, people of the opposite sex, teachers, sales people, everyone. Show them how to act appropriately. Show them your happy self and they will mimic your happiness in a social environment. Joke around and they will see your sense of humor and develop their own.

Then give them opportunties to be around kids their own age as well. Neighbor's kids, cousins, school friends for playdate. Give them time to play, to develop their own personalities, to come out of their shells. Have unstructured playtime. Let them do whatever they want with their friends. Go to the park with a ball, whatever. Let them develop. BBQ at the backyard. Show them how to be a well-adjusted adult. How to enjoy people, how to have a good time.

OK, get cracking. Good luck!