Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

Last night was one of the worst nights, I came home from work, having stopped to grab 'yes man' to watch, put my daughter to bed, and then started the movie, when my W informed me she was getting a mediator, so that we could get things split up, and then I could move out.

I told her that I didn't want to move out, but that she was free to leave whenever she wanted. I maintained my coolness throughout the conversation, but she went absolutely balastic, and said the most hateful things I have ever heard her say. Luckily, I was able to just ignore those, after working on reading everything that has been written here, and the current place I am in.

I told her, I took responsibility for all of the things I have done wrong, that I was not being hateful or spiteful, but that I was also not the one that wanted to split up the family.

I thought I was calm and collected, but we had not noticed that my daughter was still awake, and she was crying in bed. That was the most awful thing that I have ever done to her. We were able stop, and just support our daughter until she fell asleep.

I had to go in the garage and cry my heart out for about 1/2 hour.

This morning, I am resolved, I love my W much, but that she is free to leave, but that I will not be a doormat on the way out, but I will also not be spiteful. We won't do that in front of our daughter again. She will probably get a lawyer, and because I am the father they will probably get what they want in the end, but I won't just roll over and walk out, leaving my daughter to feel it's me that has given up on this family.

Oddly, the W went out for coffee this morning, and brought me back one as well.